"Jan Paweł drugi zajebał mi szlugi"
Meaning the pope stole my fags, or so goes a famous Polish saying.
I've always taken it as a joke, a tool to fill my repertoire against the self-claimed True Polish Patriots on the Internets, who tend to get butthurt about those kind of things.
However, last semester I found out it was never meant to be a joke.
Me and my friend were getting a takeaway. It was in the UK and on a uni campus, and that per se should make it a relatively safe activity.
However, as we entered the store my friend began to frantically search his pockets. He asked me if I, by any chance, haven't seen his fags. He said he's only smoked one out of the pack so he couldn't possibly have just thrown them away.
That's when it hit me.
Had I not turned around and saw the pope and had I not swung a stool at him with all the might my body could physically exert, we might have not had returned home that day.
The pope cried out with a sound so alien and terrifying both of us froze in place. That's when he saw his opening and rushed to the exit. As he stood in the doorway he took out a fag from the stolen pack, looked directly in my friend's eyes and took a puff. Slowly, he turned around and walked outside, vanishing in the thick night mist.
There were no other customers and the staff was in the back room at the time so we were the only ones who witnessed it.
Since then another similar incident had happened, but that's a story for another time...
This cannot go on. The monster has to be stopped.
Send help.