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>> No. 12618 Anonymous
23rd September 2018
Sunday 9:19 pm
12618 Contracting
Where I work we have a lot of contractors. They do they same work as permanent staff, presumably being paid a lot more, and they stay up to two years, which I suspect is longer than the average tenure for a permie. I have also seen a lot of them that are much worse at their jobs than the average permanent staff (and they don't get fired)

It seems like that in a place full of contractors, being a permie is a shit place to be: more responsibility and less pay. Senior management recognise that contractors are costing them a lot (they mention it during all-hands meetings), but seem to have no plan to increase benefits for permies to try and encourage them to stay. It is very hard to hire good permanent people.

As a result of this, lots of permanent people are leaving to become contractors. I am thinking of joining them.

Does anyone have experience with such situations?
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>> No. 12619 Anonymous
23rd September 2018
Sunday 9:38 pm
12619 spacer
Beware of IR35. If HMRC think that you're just pretending to be self-employed for tax purposes, they will fuck your shit up.


As a contractor, you have no statutory employment rights. You might be paid more, but you have no entitlement to sick pay or holiday pay and your contract can be terminated with no notice. If your client decides to fuck you over, you have no recourse to an employment tribunal.

Becoming a contractor can be advantageous, but there are risks and downsides.
>> No. 12621 Anonymous
23rd September 2018
Sunday 9:47 pm
12621 spacer
A good part of this is to do with budgets. Permanent staff have to pay for themselves, whereas contractors can be considered a capital expense. The two are handled through different channels by different business functions with differing levels of baggage (HR vs purchasing). One of the reasons I left a previous job was that I was underworked and underpaid, and my employers found excuses instead of doing anything about it, but somehow still managed to hire a contractor at a not-insubstantial day rate to do things I could have been doing.
>> No. 12622 Anonymous
23rd September 2018
Sunday 10:44 pm
12622 spacer
It depends on your industry. In cheffladding, self-employed is the way to go, as there is ALWAYS work for you, multiple extremely established agencies who you know are dependable, and due to the nature of the job you can pretty much wander into a new workplace or environment every other day and still know what you're doing. It would basically be impossible for a semi-skilled chef near a large urban area to run out of work.

Your industry might be very different. As already said, you're looking after yourself from then on out, and it's hard to quantify just how useful holidays and sick pay can end up being. If the extra money you'd be getting as a contractor isn't much more than, say, six weeks extra pay, then a holiday off work and a bit of illness could see that extra money wiped out anyway.

>> No. 12568 Anonymous
3rd September 2018
Monday 3:09 pm
12568 Can somebody translate this?
Can somebody translate this sentence in plain English? It's the answer that I got after a job interview. I aced the technical part, but I struggled a bit with the chatting with the bosses.

"We felt you were very personable, however we did not feel that you are the right cultural fit for the organisation at this time."

Thanks, lads. Now I am going to get plastered. I really wanted that job.
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>> No. 12611 Anonymous
18th September 2018
Tuesday 1:21 pm
12611 spacer

This >>12610
IE, wear a ballgag and leather cuffs at the interview, works every time.
>> No. 12612 Anonymous
18th September 2018
Tuesday 1:25 pm
12612 spacer
Your analogy still essentially likens HR personnel to a U-bend, so ultimately it seems like we agree.
>> No. 12613 Anonymous
18th September 2018
Tuesday 5:42 pm
12613 spacer

I know, Amazon corporate culture is total shit. The job is marginally better because it is in tech support and not one of those slaves in picking/packing. I do not expect to stay long there, just about ten months to improve my CV. At least I am childless and alone, so I can devote myself fully to the workplace. The interviewer is going to appreciate it.
>> No. 12614 Anonymous
18th September 2018
Tuesday 6:02 pm
12614 spacer
Tell them that you've licensed your intellectual property to an offshore company through which you'll have to be paid.
>> No. 12617 Anonymous
19th September 2018
Wednesday 5:22 pm
12617 spacer
It could well be a cop out or template response, but it could be this exactly. You may all be on the spectrum IT nerds, but there are still people with different preferences and roles to play.

For example, having one person obsessed with process can be beneficial in keeping the rest of the team from cutting corners and building tech debt; have too many of those and they start downward spiral of process over progress. When that person quits, they may want another one.

>> No. 12581 Anonymous
5th September 2018
Wednesday 11:17 am
12581 spacer
What are some things that you can get qualified for relatively quickly that would get you a job paying more than the minimum wage? The first thing that springs to mind is an SIA (security guard) licence course.

My definition of relatively quickly is fairly loose so feel free to suggest anything from one week to half a year, the higher resulting pay the better.
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>> No. 12593 Anonymous
6th September 2018
Thursday 2:19 pm
12593 spacer

>It seems like it'd be a much more stressful job on our cramped roads.

I know what you mean, but at the end of the day, you can't control the traffic, so if someones having a go at you for being late, all you have to do is show them the congestion report from the M25.

I think what appeals to me about the job, other than the fact I find driving inherently relaxing, even on a deadline, is that you can only legally work so many hours in a day. Some of the jobs I've had, I'd have killed to be able to point at my tachometer and sit down in a corner for four hours. Plus I've never seen anyone cut up an HGV on the motorway.
>> No. 12595 Anonymous
6th September 2018
Thursday 3:22 pm
12595 spacer
Isn't the military a bit funny about that? Also has laser eye surgery gotten safer over the last couple of decades, I seem to vaguely recall reading some horror stories about it as a kid.
>> No. 12597 Anonymous
6th September 2018
Thursday 6:56 pm
12597 spacer

>I looked into the military but my shitty eyesight disqualifies me.

There's no barrier to entry on any eyesight issues that can be corrected with glasses/contacts, in any branch of the british military. There might be some restrictions for obvious things like being a fighter pilot, but other than that, you should get in.

Unless you're legally blind, but I feel like you would have mentioned that already.
>> No. 12598 Anonymous
6th September 2018
Thursday 7:45 pm
12598 spacer
Even if he is, he could always go and work for the MoD's procurement division.
>> No. 12599 Anonymous
6th September 2018
Thursday 9:11 pm
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Pretty sure all the branches set a limit of -6.50 on people who need to wear glasses.

>> No. 12500 Anonymous
8th August 2018
Wednesday 12:21 am
12500 Probation
My contract states that during the 6 month probation period my employer can give me a week's notice. Under a different clause, it's stated that I must give a month's notice - regardless of whether I'm on probation or not.

At my previous place, during probation, it was a week each. Is this imbalance (my month's notice to my employer's week) unusual?
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>> No. 12517 Anonymous
9th August 2018
Thursday 2:30 am
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Nah, just book your holiday. You don't owe them anything and you're playing by the rules. I doubt anyone will even notice what you've done, particularly if they don't know the timeline of this other offer.

Mind you if all you're doing is essentially transferring to another department, why do you think your manager wouldn't find out about it? And why would you need a notice period to get a different job with the same company?
>> No. 12518 Anonymous
9th August 2018
Thursday 6:55 pm
12518 spacer

And any of that stops you from just not turning up how, exactly?

Or, if you think they're going to sue you over contract law and you were mug enough to sign a contract specifying a three month notice period, turning up and putting your feet on the desk and farting like a complete cunt every minute or so while playing angry birds on your phone, taking half hour fag breaks every 15 minutes and a three hour lunch every day, from which you come back smelling of cheap whores' perfume and stale Stella? They'll soon ask you to just stop coming in.
>> No. 12522 Anonymous
11th August 2018
Saturday 1:57 pm
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You still need to work notice periods even transferring between departments. I know this, as that's how I transferred into this job. I also know exactly who will be interviewing me, and how sodding lazy they are about actually pursuing references. Typing it all out made me realise that if I did try to leave them in the lurch it would just be an attempt at cheap revenge, which might not stand me in the best stead for ever going back at a later date. I think I will still book the holiday, but make up some shit about my parents taking me to Italy for a long-overdue summer break (which, actually, they have offered to do) and act like I'm sorry I'm leaving. Y'know, if I get the job. I really need to get the job. I haven't spoken to anyone else about it in an effort to keep it hush so you two are getting all my pent-up mulling over on the situation, sorry. Thanks.
>> No. 12558 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 6:22 pm
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An update, for anyone who cares: my current role have just offered me a potential change of contract, offering more hours and more responsibility. Someone has fucking snitched on me, I know it.

Bugger and blast it all.
>> No. 12559 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 6:24 pm
12559 spacer
Could be worse.
My last employer let me work my full months notice with barely a word to me, then offered me a raise on my very last day.

>> No. 12447 Anonymous
1st August 2018
Wednesday 8:20 pm
12447 spacer
I get really bored when I'm not at work.

Anyone else?
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>> No. 12468 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 12:56 pm
12468 spacer
I'm not heavily into programming so can you tell me, for example, why you've referenced Python and Perl in the same context - by which I mean, you've used two languages to do the same thing, so why is that? Can you not do everything in one language? Why do you need both?
>> No. 12470 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 1:34 pm
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Programming languages are designed for different purposes, have different design philosophies and have particular strengths and weaknesses. A large proportion of programming involves working on existing code rather than writing stuff from scratch, so you need to know a variety of different languages. If you're working with a team that prefers Perl, you need to know Perl; if you're working on a project that was written in Python, you need to know Python.

Python and Perl are both scripting languages, meaning that they're relatively easy to write but not particularly efficient in terms of processor power. They're generally used for small bits of "glue code" that join together different systems. Python is a relatively modern language and has a reputation for being very clear and easy to read. Perl is a more terse language, which allows expert users to write useful one-line programs but makes it harder to read.

If you're writing a program that needs to be as fast as possible (e.g. a computer game or an operating system), you need to use a low-level language like C or Rust. These languages are designed to closely match the hardware of the computer, so they're easy for the computer to process but harder for a human to understand. Languages like Java and Go split the difference - they're much faster than Python, but easier to write than C.

If you're writing a web application, you have to use Javascript (or a language that can be translated to Javascript) because that's the only programming language that web browsers understand. If you're writing an iPhone app, you have to use Objective C or Swift.

Fortunately, most programming languages use fairly similar concepts, so it's not very difficult for an experienced programmer to pick up a new language. The specific syntax of a programming language is relatively simple compared to the underlying abstract concepts. The core challenge of programming is figuring out how to break down a complex task into lots of small, precise, repeatable tasks; everything else is really just admin.
>> No. 12471 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 2:12 pm
12471 spacer
None of that explains why the poster used both Python and Perl for the same thing.
>> No. 12472 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 2:57 pm
12472 spacer
Mostly because the interpreters were available on that machine and it's relatively easy to add more modules without root access if I need them.

The second reason is that I didn't know how to bootstrap pip (Python's package manager), how to install modules into my home directory and if the modules I needed were even available. Quite contrary with Perl.

The third reason is that I'm not really a programmer and don't know both languages even mildly decently.
>> No. 12477 Anonymous
5th August 2018
Sunday 12:44 am
12477 spacer

Not you again longstorylad

>> No. 11860 Anonymous
10th January 2018
Wednesday 11:38 pm
11860 Moving into IT
Lads, I want to start a real career and I'd like to ask for your help.

I've been working as a private Mathematics tutor for nigh on five years now and I'm in a rut. Due to a combination of immaturity and personal issues whose details I won't bore you with I underperformed at uni and walked away from Manchester with a third in Physics. Not brilliant, but my own fault. I stumbled into the tutoring lark while looking for jobs but once I'd found I could make a comfortable living doing it little has changed in my life. I've been happy enough cruising through my twenties with my own place, girlfriends, , plenty of free time, all that good jazz, but something terrible has happened.

A few days ago I woke up and realised I'm hurtling towards 30 without any kind of solid career and little idea on how to retrain and at what level. As much as I enjoy being a tutor there isn't much in the way of progression and it's something I now feel I'd be happier doing to stay active when I'm retired. My friends have developed this alarming habit of getting married, one git actually has children as well, and I'm getting more left behind every day. I'm at the stage where people I know are always getting promoted or discussing mortgage and when I'm asked what I'm doing I start to wince at hearing myself repeat the same story.

Despite my third I'm not a complete thicko. I'm very good at Maths, as is expected of me, and I can write basic programs in quite a few languages, mostly C++, Java and Python. But my CV is all but empty spare for my tutoring and a clutch of very good A-levels which I'm sure count for fuck all. I have no references, no internships, essentially no indication that I can do much at all. I've been forbidden from entering teaching proper, not that I'd fancy doing it anyway, so for any other line of work I look like a blank slate.

Beggars can't be choosers and I'm not fussy about what area of IT I'd train for but would prefer something neither crushingly dull or likely to be automated within a few years. If I had the freedom to choose it would be something like data analysis, since I actually enjoy identifying statistical trends and building models based on them. What areas would you recommend and what qualifications are worth pursuing/ignoring?

Apologies if this is all a bit vague. Any guidance you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
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>> No. 12469 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 1:01 pm
12469 spacer

An MSc probably won't pay off, because it's an expensive course and it's not massively more valuable to employers than a BSc. Your physics degree already demonstrates that you can deal with complex abstractions, which is the key aptitude across the IT industry.

Broadly speaking, good employers are more concerned with practical experience than formal qualifications. Being able to say "I did x, y and z at my last job" counts for more than "I learned x, y and z in a classroom". The kind of people you want to work for are capable of sussing out your real level of competence at interview. They also know that it's possible to bullshit your way through an academic qualification even if your practical skills are weak or nonexistent. It's a known problem that many Computing graduates are completely incapable of actually writing code [1]. Companies that really care about qualifications tend to be more bureaucratic and have non-technical managers, neither of which is good for workplace morale or your promotion prospects.

There are also a range of industry certifications that are much less costly than a Masters and highly respected - in the case of security, the CISSP and the CCIE Security Track. There are also some much less respected certifications that might impress a non-technical manager but are mickey mouse to the nth degree, so tread carefully.

[1] https://blog.codinghorror.com/why-cant-programmers-program/


Avoid recruiters like the plague. Everyone in the industry despises them. They're cynical opportunists who are just trying to scam employers out of a referral fee by spamming them with hundreds of candidates. Try to learn some stuff off your own back, apply for real vacancies and network as much as possible - if you live near a city of any real size, there should be plenty of IT meetups and networking events.
>> No. 12473 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 7:09 pm
12473 spacer

Yeah, thanks, I already knew about that. The problem is that 99% of the job offers that I see online are from recruiters/agencies. I will try to look for some meetups, that's a good idea.
>> No. 12474 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 8:52 pm
12474 spacer
Ask around for recommendations when it comes to recruiters. People in your area will typically know who are the ones that know their stuff and who to avoid. I got my current job through a recruiter that was recommended to me, and the process was surprisingly light on bullshit.

Absolutely never approach an agency through the front door though. Get a name and contact that person directly.
>> No. 12475 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 9:04 pm
12475 spacer

Sound advice, but easier said than done. I do not know anyone in the area apart from my former teacher, but he's a complete idiot more interested in box ticking than in actually teaching.
>> No. 12476 Anonymous
4th August 2018
Saturday 10:19 pm
12476 spacer
I agree with your advice on qualifications, particularly in information security; experience is far more important than any certificate. Another good way people get started in security is to actually work in an operations or support department of IT - those are are very good places to start "at the bottom" and work your way up in.

I don't agree so much with your recruiter advice though - you're definitely right that most of them are wankers, but they're still a necessary evil. Even if you start by looking directly at the various job-sites, nearly everything is done through a recruiter, very few companies actually recruit direct (civil/public servants excepted).

>> No. 12358 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 6:40 pm
12358 spacer
Have any of you lad/lassm8s held a regular job while being a spare time military reserve?

I'm learning nothing new in my bland corporate job, so I'm thinking of trying for something like communications in the RAF.

Tell me why this idea is silly/great.
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>> No. 12366 Anonymous
11th June 2018
Monday 7:28 pm
12366 spacer
OP here. The more I search this idea, the more appealing it becomes. I was also looking for paid work to do in my off-time.

I imagine that most companies aren't particularly thrilled to hear you'll be signing up. How can I break this to them gently and not lose my bland corporate job?
>> No. 12367 Anonymous
11th June 2018
Monday 7:35 pm
12367 spacer
I think thats the easy part actually - most employers will be pleased you're doing something like this out of work, even with the attendant risks. Also, I think its totally illegal for them to try and get rid of you while you're a reservist.
>> No. 12369 Anonymous
11th June 2018
Monday 7:51 pm
12369 spacer

You'll need to check your contract of employment - some contracts have a clause restricting your right to work elsewhere. The MoD will inform your employer that you've signed up, so you do need to tell them.

If you do get deployed, your employer is legally obliged to keep your job open for you, but they don't have to keep paying your salary while you're away. The MoD will pay most of the costs of recruiting and training a temporary replacement, so they won't be significantly out of pocket unless you're genuinely irreplaceable.

All reservist units have an Employer Support Officer who can advise you on how to talk to your employer about enlisting. Serving as a reservist can be sold to your employer in positive terms - you'll gain teamwork and leadership skills, you're doing your bit for the country etc.

It's also worth checking to see if your employer has signed the Armed Forces Covenant.


>> No. 12444 Anonymous
1st August 2018
Wednesday 6:51 pm
12444 spacer
It’s alright, more work than you might want and it can get repetitive but then you’re also being paid to have a laugh with your mates. Best bet is to pop in for a few evenings and do a weekend, see how you feel about it.

>communications in the RAF

I thought you wanted to be involved with the military?

>but you could easily get called up into a war zone

Keep this a secret from wives and employers but you can easily say no. It’s not like the American national guard, you volunteer.

Only time you'll be at risk of being 'called up' is if Ivan’s dropping little buckets of sunshine all over the midlands but the internet will probably be down anyway.
>> No. 12446 Anonymous
1st August 2018
Wednesday 7:34 pm
12446 spacer

>Keep this a secret from wives and employers but you can easily say no. It’s not like the American national guard, you volunteer.

Check your contract m8. Historically they have asked for volunteers, but the Army 2020 Refine made it clear that the intention is to draw more heavily on the Army Reserve to allow for a substantial reduction in the number of regulars. Mandatory mobilisation did happen in the early years of Herrick and is far more likely in future.

>> No. 12435 Anonymous
29th July 2018
Sunday 1:27 pm
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Have any of you managed to work at a nightclub and yet maintain an existence fit for a human being? I've not been at it long, but my weight has yo-yo'd (probably have a diagnosable binge eating disorder now) and while I get a bit of a buzz from the long hours of exhausting work, I now feel like a zombie most of the time.
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>> No. 12441 Anonymous
29th July 2018
Sunday 6:55 pm
12441 spacer

Sorry mate, they're not really designed to block out noise as much as a comfortable pair of headphones to sleep with.

If an in-ear type earphone isn't cancelling out the noise, then it's difficult to know what to recommend. It's probably similar to what you've got already, but maybe: https://www.flareaudio.com/collections/isolate
>> No. 12442 Anonymous
29th July 2018
Sunday 9:28 pm
12442 spacer

In-ear headphones have less sound-blocking power than ear plugs, because there needs to be a channel for the sound to reach your eardrum.

Ideally you'd get a pair of custom-fit earplugs, but they're rather expensive. I have a pair of ACS custom plugs that I'm very happy with; they offer plugs specifically designed for sleeping for £79.


If you're using normal foam earplugs, the ability of the plugs to block sound is hugely dependent on finding a pair that fits you well. I'd suggest buying a selection pack of different styles, which will help you find the best compromise between noise blocking and comfort. This assortment includes 11 pairs for £3.49. Once you've found a good fit, you can buy them by the box for very little.


It might be possible to double up with earplugs and ear defenders if you sleep on your back and don't move much during sleep. The least bulky option is the Peltor Optime I, which is available with either a normal headband or a behind-the-neck band. The combination provides an astounding level of noise reduction, equivalent to being profoundly deaf.

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>> No. 12443 Anonymous
30th July 2018
Monday 12:33 am
12443 spacer
I used to work in a nightclub. Horrible job.
>> No. 12462 Anonymous
2nd August 2018
Thursday 2:49 pm
12462 spacer
Don't work nights if you can - it's terrible for your health.

>> No. 12463 Anonymous
2nd August 2018
Thursday 5:07 pm
12463 spacer
I loved the first little exchange in the comments. Tom fucking Jones.

>> No. 12399 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 2:51 pm
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World citizens, tell me about your experiences living and working (or travelling) abroad. I'm not well travelled myself, and it is something I'd like to do. I'm at a "career junction" at the moment, and I have FOMO - that while I'm tappity tapping away at my keyboard and supping instant coffee in an airconned open-plan, there's a mad rush of "real activity" and opportunity in Africa, China and India.

Apologies for the duplicate post.
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>> No. 12413 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 2:24 pm
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Is 24/25 too old to get on board (mirth) with something like the Merchant Navy? I'm a web dev by trade but I feel that it's much more suited to a hobby. I'm in good physical shape but not so much mentally and I figure a lot of that is down to my dissatisfaction with the state of the country and my own career.

Any advice or anecdotes would be great, especially those focusing on South-East Asia (Singapore, Brunei, Malaysia, etc.)
>> No. 12415 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 3:06 pm
12415 spacer
A narrated video guide for what you can expect:

>> No. 12416 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 3:20 pm
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Not too old. There's no requirement to be in physical shape. I have no advice as I didn't stick it long. Being a webdev is cushy, being in an engine room not so much. While the ETO cadet who has been working shit jobs since he's 16 will appreciate solid hours and qualifications (and qualifications is why you do it - not for travel, because there's no guarantee of shore runs in any ports), you may not. The best companies are BP, Shell and the RFA, followed by the "big container companies". That said, for the college portions of the training the point is moot, as you all study at the same colleges (Warsash, Fleetwood or somewhere in Scotland) and take the same modules. Start a MN thread if you want to discuss this.
>> No. 12417 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 5:00 pm
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Isn't this the point of the thread, to talk about the MN, and any other jobs which involve travel?
>> No. 12423 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 9:23 pm
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Being a deck officer can be a bit cushy. 90% of the job is drinking tea, smoking fags, and staring out of the window.

>> No. 12376 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 3:59 am
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My usual summer job of nights at ASDA has fallen through so I've found myself working in a supermarket distribution centre.

It's absolutely gruelling I wouldn't mind it particularly if they didn't enforce six hours without so much as a cig break being allowed. The shifts are nine hours and only one 30 minute break is given, when the manager says you can.

I thought the H&SAW1974 specified a 5 mins break for every hour?

Pic taken in the bogs at the place.
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>> No. 12386 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 8:22 pm
12386 spacer

Look what happened to Elvis.
>> No. 12387 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 8:25 pm
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No it's the Middle Eastern enrichers, our first world toilets are confusing for third world poopers.
>> No. 12388 Anonymous
15th June 2018
Friday 12:48 am
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It's absolute tedium. Even when "busy" - it's the most mind numbing work that in a lot of places has been automated. 9 hours feels like 9 months. I have insoles.

The supermarket was about £3 over minimum wage - night work.

The break was, across 8 hours, up to 30 mins (unpaid) for dinner break, and another 10 min (paid) break towards the end of the night, but you could take them whenever you felt like. If you took less break you'd be paid.
>> No. 12389 Anonymous
15th June 2018
Friday 12:48 am
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I should also add I've worked in a car factory - 9h30 shifts with regular, timed breaks and allowances made for small rests. The union was particularly strong there, thought.
>> No. 12391 Anonymous
19th June 2018
Tuesday 7:26 pm
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Well, the job has brought my long-dormant joint problems back - I had to crawl up and down stairs; that's the end of that, I guess.

I tried explaining this to the agency and the first time they didn't listen to a word I said, offering me the job I'm already on. When I said everything again, and asked if they had any less physical jobs - driving, or data entry for example, I got the world's blankest look, like I'd spoken to them in Klingon.

I've said I can't work until I get a doctor's appointment. Trying to fight for a doctor's appointment is battle royale on the phone lines.

Looking for temporary jobs, you either need a class C+ licence to drive, or it's the same brutal warehouse work which my own body will not let me do.

Guess I'll just have to keep looking.

>> No. 12310 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 7:14 am
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I attended a couple of session with an employment advisor for disabled people. I honestly want to get back to work and I am about to get a qualification. He gave me some advice:

* Go to civil service portal and apply to all office based jobs, even those that I am completely unqualified for.

* Also, not having a clue of how to do the job or even what the job entails is completely not a problem.

* Go to a charity and ask them for advice. It turned out that the charity had absolutely nothing available and was specialised for older people asking their employers to make workplace adjustments.

* Apply for everything under the sun. If I cannot do my job, lose my benefits and get fired, that is not a problem. "You have got to accept some risks if you want to improve your situation."

* Try to wheedle more money from the local council.

* Be more positive, smile more.

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>> No. 12312 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 10:04 am
12312 spacer

I had the same idea. Well, at least we ticked a lot of boxes, we made a lot of paperwork and we managed to keep another useless person employed. Holy fuck, this country is so fucked up that it makes the Administratum from 40K look sane.
>> No. 12313 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 1:24 pm
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I think the problem here is that 9 out of 10 people going to see these advisers do actually need that level of advice.
>> No. 12314 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 2:51 pm
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I think you got it right. I never thought that some people could sincerely need this kind of help.

By the way, I know people under ESA and all of them are perfectly able bodied, working cash in hand and enjoying the benefits. Probably the people that honestly want to get back in the workforce are a minority.
>> No. 12375 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 3:08 pm
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Jesus Fucking Christ

I had the last meeting with the advisor, and finally had enough. I told him to fuck off. I've never seen so much uselessness in a single place.

First, he tried to contact several government offices. None of them answered, assuming that he made the enquiries in the first place.
Second, his winning advice was to print paper copies of my CV and sent them to random employers, since "an email can be deleted immediately, a paper CV has more value." Some employees answered, all telling him to just email a CV in the website.
Third, when I asked what incentives are being given to the employers to hire disabled people, he answered "no tangible benefits apart for gaining potentially a great employer and good publicity for the company". I tried to tell him that money talks, bullshit walks, but he answered that "you only have to get lucky once".

That program is a total scam. More than one million pounds have been spent in an useless program that gives no real, tangible help to disabled people. This is Third World level of corruption and mismanagement.

If you ever see a leaflet or a poster in a public place advertising a gov't program to help disabled people to go into work, run away. It's a scam, and it is geared towards stopping your benefits since you are well enough to look for work by yourself.

Fuck my life.
>> No. 12381 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 1:27 pm
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Back in the day, 40k was satirical to some extent. What do you think they based all that on

Now let's all go watch the Adam Curtis documentary about the grace of caring machines or whatever it was called. Sums things up nicely. We individual humans are now little more in input/output units in some cont'd spreadsheet.

>> No. 12215 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 12:33 pm
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Lads, does an 'informal' interview warrant a suit? Call centre job.
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>> No. 12368 Anonymous
11th June 2018
Monday 7:35 pm
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Always. Dress for the job you want.
>> No. 12370 Anonymous
12th June 2018
Tuesday 10:43 am
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I went to my last interview dressed like Batman and I got kicked out of the reception by security. So that piece of advice is obviously bollocks.
>> No. 12371 Anonymous
12th June 2018
Tuesday 11:59 am
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Alright, which comedian did you nick that off? If you didn't prepare to see Lee Mack saying it on Live at the Apollo soon.
>> No. 12372 Anonymous
12th June 2018
Tuesday 5:14 pm
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>> No. 12373 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 12:34 am
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Fair enough.

>> No. 12198 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 6:35 pm
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Is the Financial independence Retire Early (FIRE) idea a fantasy?
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>> No. 12304 Anonymous
22nd May 2018
Tuesday 10:25 pm
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It's not very profitable, especially if you earn money elsewhere since it's taxable income now.
>> No. 12305 Anonymous
22nd May 2018
Tuesday 10:33 pm
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It's always been taxable income. The ongoing change removes the mortgage interest deductible which, yes, will increase taxable income for many.
>> No. 12306 Anonymous
22nd May 2018
Tuesday 10:34 pm
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Only if you declare it.
>> No. 12307 Anonymous
22nd May 2018
Tuesday 10:59 pm
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Sure, double down on the dickishness by dodging your dues too.
>> No. 12308 Anonymous
23rd May 2018
Wednesday 2:18 pm
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That's lovely alliteration.

>> No. 12171 Anonymous
17th April 2018
Tuesday 5:19 pm
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On a works night out a female manager kicked me in the balls twice, lots of witnesses, I work for a very large food chain retailer, Could I sue?
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>> No. 12177 Anonymous
17th April 2018
Tuesday 7:01 pm
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Why did she do it?
>> No. 12179 Anonymous
17th April 2018
Tuesday 8:12 pm
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I'm guessing 'banter'
>> No. 12181 Anonymous
18th April 2018
Wednesday 1:10 am
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You need to report her to the police before HR really. It's assault.
>> No. 12183 Anonymous
18th April 2018
Wednesday 1:55 am
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I'm calling bollocks.
>> No. 12187 Anonymous
18th April 2018
Wednesday 9:29 am
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Stop being a silly fanny, she wants the cock.

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