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>> No. 27047 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 2:03 pm
27047 Where to meet birds
So, I've decided to try and not be that guy, a relationship-less virgin, into my mid-20s, which doesn't leave me with very long. I'm home from uni for the summer and have decided it's time to sort my act out.

The only problem - where to meet women?

I've completed tinder in a 15 mile radius, likewise for Bumble - zero (0) matches. I've messaged pretty much every girl on OKCupid with a match >75%; not one has replied.

What can I do now? The few local schoolfriends I am still in contact with are all male, everyone at my job is male, and all the women I talk to (from uni) are either in a relationship or otherwise not an option.

Going out to clubs doesn't work because a) I don't have anyone to go with, and b) when I try and do anything but stand at the bar drinking in a club (ie dance) I look like a tortoise trying to pilot a motorcycle.

Any ideas?
236 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 28531 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:02 am
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>>28530

Oh sorry. I deleted my post too because it occurred to me I shouldn't call my BMI "average" if the average adult is overweight. This is what I was about to repost:

>>28267
>>28528

/emo/ is the place to force a shitty meme calling everyone fat? (My BMI's right in the middle of the healthy range in case you're wondering.)
>> No. 28532 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:14 am
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>> No. 28533 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:18 am
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>>28531
Find the thread in the catalogue. Slimming World is genuinely one of the prime places for meeting women once you've reached the age where your social opportunities dwindle.
>> No. 28534 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:39 am
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>>28533
Fat women, surely?
>> No. 28535 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:42 am
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>>28534

We cover this in the thread.
>> No. 28536 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:43 am
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>>28534
Plenty of women who aren't fat go to slimming clubs. Find the thread and be enlightened.
>> No. 28537 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:45 am
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>>28536

http://britfa.gs/b/res/424490+50.html

For reference.
>> No. 28759 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 2:45 pm
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I won't go into it because frankly no-one gives a shit but all I will say is that my thoughts and feelings have been taking a darker path, and it's becoming a struggle to stay off it.

The good news, I suppose, is that now I'm a Real Adult about to start a Real Job™, I'll have money for private therapy - I don't want to trouble the already completely overloaded NHS with this shit.

Can anyone recommend any private counselling/therapy services in the north west?

Thanks, lads.
>> No. 28760 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 7:47 pm
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>>28759
I don't know if this'll help as it's not specifically north west but maybe someone else will use it. I've been recommended to a website called BetterHelp by a good friend, apparently it's helped them a lot. You have the option of just chatting online/through the app to a therapist, or scheduling calls or video calls too. As far as I'm aware there's no meeting in person, but it sounds good for people who can't get out to see someone or are perhaps shy and such. Going to give it a try soon myself soon so perhaps I'll post again after actually trying it out, but someone else might benefit from knowing it exists at least.
>> No. 28761 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 9:15 pm
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>>28759

The Real Job™ might be the best therapy if a) you can muster some eagerness and measured banter with your colleagues, and b) your workplace is welcoming enough to see beyond any personal struggles that you may choose to present briefly and positively (consider the S.T.A.R. method of competence-based interviews, and basically just talk about yourself using that template if asked).

People will be more receptive to a quiet person who appears to be looking forward while struggling, than one who looks backwards while moaning.

I recently became an NHSlad myself, after being dolescum for 15 years. Getting a wage and working with other mad bastards has been the best treatment for chronic depression, and it's cost me fuck-all, cumulatively.
>> No. 28762 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 9:47 pm
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>>28761
The last job I worked full-time (during a placement year) was a horrible toxic environment full of bullying and 'banter' (you know the kind); I left that place worse than when I went there - the only thing I really learned was how to keep a solid façade. I hope that as my new job isn't in heavy industry in a working-class area, that the people will be better. Still, I'd rather get this sorted sooner rather than later and think that even just a few sessions might set me right, or at least on the right path.

>>28760
Thanks for the recommendation. I think personally I'd rather talk to someone face-to-face, but if someone else finds it useful then that's good.
>> No. 28765 Anonymous
19th July 2019
Friday 1:46 pm
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>>28761

>I recently became an NHSlad myself, after being dolescum for 15 years. Getting a wage and working with other mad bastards has been the best treatment for chronic depression, and it's cost me fuck-all, cumulatively.

I'm pretty sure there are departments in the NHS where that's their main hiring criteria. There don't seem to be many people I'd call "normal" at my place.

>I hope that as my new job isn't in heavy industry in a working-class area

Horses for courses I think. I have never been able to stand your average office type environment with fake pleasantries and behind the back gossip. The kind of place you'd describe as rife with bullying and banter is probably where I'd feel more at home; I feel much better if I can just tell someone to fuck off to their face and not get the sack for it.
>> No. 28769 Anonymous
20th July 2019
Saturday 12:56 am
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>>28765
>I feel much better if I can just tell someone to fuck off to their face and not get the sack for it.

While true at this particular place you wouldn't get the sack, tell it to the wrong people and your time there would suddenly become a lot harder. I'm not one for formalities myself, but there needs to be a clear line. In my office, five people were from the sake intake of apprentices back in the 1980s - they all went to school together, and from there have all worked together since, and have such have each other's back. Two of those people were ostensibly my boss (and my boss's boss), but I found out VERY quickly that raising a grievance with one of their cabal was not a wise move.

All I'd say is be careful what you wish for.

Getting off topic here; I'll probably head to Manchester and pick the best one. I just wish I could switch it all off, tbh.
>> No. 29049 Anonymous
31st October 2019
Thursday 11:20 pm
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Another year wasted. I feel like in many respects this year I have regressed, despite my best efforts not to do so.

25 now. Should I just give up and chop 'em off?
>> No. 29050 Anonymous
1st November 2019
Friday 12:37 am
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>>28765
>Horses for courses I think. I have never been able to stand your average office type environment with fake pleasantries and behind the back gossip. The kind of place you'd describe as rife with bullying and banter is probably where I'd feel more at home; I feel much better if I can just tell someone to fuck off to their face and not get the sack for it.

I think this doesn't depend at all on your physical workplace or even the verbal abuse but dynamics of the team. The team I work with are golden but on the opposite end of the office I found out today that middle managers have created a toxic working environment with people in tears.

Don't worry heads will roll for this.

>>29049
Who cares? You're 25 not 40, fucking up is all part of growing resilience and a pair of bollocks.
>> No. 29051 Anonymous
1st November 2019
Friday 2:30 pm
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>>29049

Can you go into a little detail about what has happened this year?
>> No. 29057 Anonymous
6th November 2019
Wednesday 4:24 pm
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How does one handle the physical and mental maladies of lovesickness?

I've fallen quite hard for a girl. She wants to take it slow, though we recently spent a day/night together.

Almost immediately after we said our goodbyes (she lives in another city) I've felt emotionally flayed - I can't stop crying or feeling nauseated or vomiting. I can't eat or sleep or keep my concentration on anything. It's been so long that I'd forgotten how badly it can affect you and, at this point in my life, I have few very friends or relatives to confide in.

Rationally it makes no sense to go completely loony over a girl - it only serves to jeopardise an otherwise healthy relationship by not being your usual self. Problem is, I am unable to control or subdue these emotions and I suspect it may be due to some abandonment issues surfacing.

Is this something worth looking into therapy/counselling for? Do I just need a mate to tell me things are gonna be alright?

Sorry for the rant, lads. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
>> No. 29058 Anonymous
6th November 2019
Wednesday 5:15 pm
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>>29057
Spend time with friends. Go on other dates. You may not meet anybody as special as this girl, but you'll be less emotionally dependent on her, and more likely to make a success of the relationship as a result.
>> No. 29059 Anonymous
6th November 2019
Wednesday 6:13 pm
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>>29051
I've stopped regularly going to the gym. I've started drinking more. I've found myself once again becoming someone who does not always respect the unspoken rules of society; it seems like a skill that must be constantly and willingly applied or else it will be quickly lost.

In terms of the closeness to which I think I might be to actually entering into a relationship with someone, I feel like I've gone from distant with a potentially fleeting chance, to so distant it's essentially nil. There have been many chances where I could have got off my arse and done something but I... didn't. I knew the destructiveness of my (in)actions but went ahead anyway. I'm trying to bring it back but it's like the Getting Over It game.

>>29050
You're right, I am a pathetic cunt. I have no idea what do about it though.
>> No. 29060 Anonymous
6th November 2019
Wednesday 8:37 pm
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>>29059
> it's like the Getting Over It game.
So all your problems can be solved with just two to three hours of perseverance?
>> No. 29061 Anonymous
6th November 2019
Wednesday 8:46 pm
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>>29058

Thanks for the advice. I'm young and stupid, have allowed friendships to fall by the wayside and developed a pretty heavy dependence on cannabis (which has inadvertently turned me into a recluse).

I've mulled it over and decided to kick the weed and try to reignite those friendships. Of course, easier said than done but I know it's ultimately the right thing to do.
>> No. 29062 Anonymous
7th November 2019
Thursday 12:40 am
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>>29049

After starting out with possibly the best new year's eve I've ever had, 2019 was definitely a terrible fucking year for me - almost from beginning to end. Even though it's slowly starting to look up, as I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30, I really, really need to make sure pull out of this funk and turn things around in 2020 or I really am going to be fucked.
>> No. 29063 Anonymous
9th November 2019
Saturday 12:01 pm
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I'm back on the dating sites after a break of many months.

OkCupid doesn't work for me, I get very few matches there. I don't know if they're expecting a really well written bio. I did notice a lot of the same faces from the last time I was there, that feels like a bad sign. The UX is also terrible.

I get some matches on the swiperino apps, but most of them aren't interested enough to have an actual conversation .It should be a bit soul crushing, but I stopped caring quickly. I get more hits on Tinder than on Bumble, but I've only ever met up with women from Bumble. I find them quite addictive, and I doubt that the constant wash of rejection is psychologically healthy. I'm considering paying for one of the boost options, just to see how effective they are.

I've been trying Hinge. I'm having better luck there than on the others. I recommend it to any newlads who aren't having much luck on Tinder.
>> No. 29064 Anonymous
9th November 2019
Saturday 12:41 pm
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>>29063

>I find them quite addictive

Yep, so do lots of people, including lassies. Part of their business strategy is to subtly encourage time wasters who are basically just there for attention- They'd kill their own business if everyone found a match straight away.

From your perspective you really need to learn to identify those ones. After a while it's not difficult; what is difficult is the willpower nit to waste your time trying to chat them up because you don't have many other matches to work with. The fact you're starting to feel nonplussed and indifferent is a great asset here.

The golden rule still holds true. It's a numbers game- When you find one you click with, you KNOW you click, and it's usually just entirely by accident that you strike up a conversation as if you've known each other for years right at the start. Don't waste your time with those pointless back and forth where you know they're not putting in their fair share of the effort.

Also just gonna come out and say it- Birds are fucking shit at online dating too. They're used to getting all the attention hounded by dozens of men so they rarely put in the effort that's required to find and meet someone they would actually connect with. This self sabotage leads to a vicious cycle. Keep ot in mind when you're dealing with them.
>> No. 29065 Anonymous
9th November 2019
Saturday 12:51 pm
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>>29064
>Also just gonna come out and say it- Birds are fucking shit at online dating too.

I think this is a lesson that men need to learn, quickly, when they enter the world of dating. Women have just as many problems with the dating scene as men do (both online and offline)- for sure they get more attention off the bat, but not the kind of attention you or I would relish. You need female friends (real ones) to learn and see this first-hand.

Also, when in the online dating scene - you need to know that you're frequently working with a group of people. I'm old and married, which is why the first twenty minutes of meeting with a single, female friend who is online dating, is often spent with me filtering their latest matches (and contributing to how they reply).

I would totally agree that a) its a numbers game and b) don't waste time trying to force it; if someone is an effort to talk to online, they'll most likely be ten times that in real life. Focus on the people you click with, it's obvious when it happens.
>> No. 29066 Anonymous
10th November 2019
Sunday 2:02 pm
29066 OP
>>29063
Hinge seems more serious from what I've seen. I'll give it a go, but I feel my lack of experience will cripple me.
>> No. 29074 Anonymous
11th November 2019
Monday 7:28 pm
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>>29066
You have nothing to lose but time and hope.
>> No. 29441 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 10:17 pm
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Jesus Christ. Every time a date seems to have gone well I get some variation on "I've actually just realised I'm not in a good place for dating!". It's like a miniature emotional roller coaster every time.
I've been at it for months now. It's a colossal waste of time. I'm becoming bitter.
>> No. 30063 Anonymous
11th October 2020
Sunday 12:28 am
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>>29074
I wish there was a way to filter out "potterheads". And the fat ones. Hinge is... Difficult.
>> No. 30064 Anonymous
11th October 2020
Sunday 1:04 am
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>>30063
This probably sounds ridiculous to anyone reading this but I entirely agree with him that a potter filter is sorely needed. I'm fine with a woman liking Harry Potter, I like Star Trek so I'm not one to talk, but it makes no sense as to why you would mention it or play it as a personality type. All you're saying is that you're boring.

I've dated women who have liked Harry Potter and not once has it come up aside from the time I asked out of boredom what house they would want to be in. They said Ravenclaw but I pointed out that its a bollocks house because you'd have to solve a riddle every-time you want to go inside which would quickly stop being funny. Fortunately I realised I was getting into a cunt-off over the lore of a children's fantasy series I never liked and stopped.
>> No. 30065 Anonymous
11th October 2020
Sunday 1:22 am
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>>30064
>potterheads
>liking Harry Potter

It has to be code for something.
>> No. 30066 Anonymous
11th October 2020
Sunday 7:50 am
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>>30064
My friend was in a long-term relationship with a lass who used to write Harry/Malfoy erotic fan fiction. She was a heifer.
>> No. 30076 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 3:08 pm
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[Headshot that's 95% a smoothing filter with animal ears and nose on top]
"I'm obsessed with Harry Potter, Disney and the Marvel Comics Universe."
[Photo with a dog]
"The most spontaneous thing I ever did was either travelling or skydiving."
[Photo in a field of lavender]
"There's about a 70% chance I'm a nurse. No Tories."
>> No. 30077 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 4:51 pm
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>>30076

I hear you. Consider the medium, though; anyone can install an app on a phone. Girls especially are guaranteed a load of easy (if ultimately dissatisfying) matches. It's a platform that lends itself to anyone in need of an ego boost, a bit of window shopping, something to amuse herself and her friends, or even just boredom alleviation. By definition, when you go to dating apps you're among a "lowest common denominator" crowd.

I'd highly encourage you to try and meet people through activities where you're likely to meet someone you find interesting. What kind of person would you find interesting? Musicians or music fans go to gigs, people who actually travel hang around tourist spots and cultural events, athletic people go to group gym classes, etc.. Naturally, you don't necessarily just creep on these groups just looking for a bit of skirt, but you'll find people who are more interesting to you by sincerely pursuing your own interests. If nothing else, you'll make a mate or two.
>> No. 30078 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 4:59 pm
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>>30077

Whoops. I may have missed the proper context with this. I thought it was a genuine cry for help.
>> No. 30079 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 5:38 pm
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>>30078
Your advice is still extremely good.

My observation is that dating apps are where you might, perhaps, if you're really lucky get the odd shag, but the chances of finding a partner are actually tiny.
>> No. 30080 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 6:10 pm
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>>30079

I met my ex through a dating app, when people asked me about it I would say apart from that I met them it was one of the worst experiences of my life, and not worth it.

The entire thing couldn't be more dehumanising if it was engineered to be.
>> No. 30081 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 6:35 pm
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>>30080
>The entire thing couldn't be more dehumanising if it was engineered to be.

I think it is literally engineered to be dehumanising.
>> No. 30082 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 8:23 pm
30082 OP
Well, I keep seeing this thread come up so here's my update.

I stopped trying about a year ago, and whilst I've not been any happier, I try not to let it get to me as much as it did. I'm out of uni now, and work (currently from home) in a field almost completely dominated by men, so it's the end of the line for me.
>> No. 30083 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 9:24 pm
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>>30076
I matched with a 32 year old white woman on bumble last night whose profile included berating you if you're white and not into politics because only white men can have that privilege. Obviously she wasn't matching with any racists but I'm pretty sure nobody else was taking her out either.

There seems to be a fair amount of women doing this lately because of Black Lives Matter. Possibly because all the apps gave a statement about their own commitment.

>>30077
Pulling women in a friend/hobby group is stupidest decision you can make in my book. I get that you mean well but your solution is carrying an anchor around your neck whenever you go for drinks with the lads or otherwise getting sucked into a teenage drama vortex.

Get to know women and date their friends is my own advice. Do that while also fucking about on dating apps is fine and so is speed dating so long as it's not something daft. The problem is that Covid puts more emphasis on dating apps than usual because there's less parties and events for mingling.

>>30079
>My observation is that dating apps are where you might, perhaps, if you're really lucky get the odd shag, but the chances of finding a partner are actually tiny.

I actually have a pretty good rate when it comes to women off dating apps. Getting them to meet is like herding cats but once you've done that you just need to be reasonably nice and fairly charming. YMMV though as I'm pretty cool.
>> No. 30084 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 9:39 pm
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>>30083
>Get to know women and date their friends

This is excellent advice.
>> No. 30085 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 10:37 pm
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>>30083

>There seems to be a fair amount of women doing this lately

Identity politics like that has always been an absolute fucking catnip for lasses for some reason. Something to do with them being more sensitive to social pressure and peer expectations than men, which is ironic if you think about it. I've seen quite a lot of it in my time prowling the dating apps and sites.

I once matched with a genuine, real life, self-described Lib Dem even. I knew how it was going to go from the start but I gave it a chance. Of course, she took as disliking to me when I said I'm a socialist and feel that social liberalism alone is ineffective to reduce inequality in material terms. I ended up blocking her while she was mid-way through this whole "I love seeing pathetic men get angry when they meet a woman who doesn't just bend over to them" rant.

I mean, there's having a chip on your shoulder, and then there's just... I don't know. It bemuses me how someone can so completely lack self awareness. It seems fairly obvious to me that the only kind of man these lasses are going to find themselves ending up with, are slimy manipulative ones who have adapted modern progressive politics into an advanced form of the whole Nice Guy shtick.

>>30080
>>30082

In general I've found online dating had a bit of a golden age between 2012-1016 or so, because it was only just becoming acceptable enough that it wasn't embarrassing to admit you were doing it, but it wasn't quite yet the default way of meeting people. You stood a good chance of meeting decent people back then, and indeed I did, it was the most sex an awkward nerdy twat like me has ever had.

Nowadays though, you just scroll through page after page of intolerably bland Gemma from HR types who do nothing but drink Prosecco and watch soaps. There's nowhere to even start with those people. Lockdown has made it a lot worse, there's just every cunt and their mum, quite literally, on it out of boredom.
>> No. 30086 Anonymous
13th October 2020
Tuesday 11:13 pm
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>>30085
The funny thing is, if they really find the man attractive and he isn't a complete arse, all this suddenly stops mattering for them.
>> No. 30087 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 12:12 am
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>>30085
>>30086
I didn't want to say it in my post but I have a theory that much of the abrasiveness some people have can merely be attributed to needing a good shagging. That might make me sound like a 1970s male chauvinist in the context but I'm sure most of us can report that a happy sex life aids in dealing with feelings of anger and frustration.

Waking up to a lazy Sunday with a bird on my arm always makes me feel okay with my place in life, some female attention or even just smile can turn my day right around. I'd go further but I'm sure purple will eventually spray me with the garden hose.
>> No. 30088 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 12:26 am
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>>30087
>much of the abrasiveness some people have can merely be attributed to needing a good shagging

Truth.
>> No. 30089 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 1:07 am
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>>30087

You're absolutely right, but more than that, I think it's the ability to enjoy a good shagging. Throughout my life I've had one or two lasses with wierd sexual hang-up that really made sex quite tedious, and I think it really coincided with the more melancholy or bitter aspects of their personality. Same probably goes for men of course.

It's not just getting laid. It's knowing that everyone else gets a feeling of wellbeing from a decent shag, that they're just too shy, or self conscious, or narcissistic or whatever to get it too.
>> No. 30090 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 1:31 am
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>>30089

On the other hand, mental birds are the best in bed. We all know that you should Consider if you are truly mentally and emotionally capable of supporting a partner with their own mental health issues, but it's sorely tempting.
>> No. 30093 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 4:51 pm
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This thread has convinced me to just stick with my current relationship even if it is questionable. Dating sounds awful, especially nowadays. I honestly think I'd just be alone at this point if I was single again.
>> No. 30097 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 7:04 pm
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>>30087
>>30088
>>30089


>> No. 30224 Anonymous
8th December 2020
Tuesday 12:31 am
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>>29062

Well, this post aged really fucking badly.

2019 might have been a really terrible year in terms of Horrible Shit Happening this year has actually been worse in terms of being stuck in a rut and not really moving anything forward at all.

Beyond getting fat because all the sports I enjoy being banned for most of the year and generally drinking too much it's also been a shitter of a year for dating. There I was at the beginning of the year thinking "once we get this under control there'll be shagging in the streets all summer" and what I actually got was a few obviously utterly oblivious bints asking me out to completely non covid appropriate places on tinder; I mean I like me a mental slag as much as the next bloke but someone who wants to go to a (most likely illegal) crowded club night rather than grabbing a drink somewhere sensibly open, ventilated, and not rammed to the gills with strangers is probably outside of my own personal mental-ness limits.

Anyway, apologies for the long, rambling, run-on sentencing, mess of a necro-post but I was scrolling back through this thread, saw this post I made just over a year ago and had a really bitter gut laugh about the foolishness and folly of having optimism over anything ever.

Sage very firmly ticked.

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