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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
1559 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 29957 Anonymous
16th August 2020
Sunday 12:29 pm
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>>29953
Most of the important parts fit well. Over the last year there's been a niggling thought at the back of my mind that I'm narcissistic. I struggle with identity, sometimes considerably. I appriciate this kind of post, thanks for making it.

Is there any way I can address this possible narcissism? I feel as though over the years I've gone too far 'the other way' trying to overcompensate (in mind, at least), but I've always known it's just a mask. I think I might have listened to too much Alan Watts as a teenager and misunderstood the meaning of Zen. Sometimes I have to cover the bathroom mirror with a blanket so I don't catch my reflection.

>>29955
>you notice them more as human beings with imperfections that only add to their form.
This is exactly what i think myself out of feeling, as with the girl with wonderful teeth.

>I've never understood this logic. Almost everyone wanks, even in a happy relationship
I think the difference is that wanking isn't tied into identity to such an extent for most people. Plenty of times people have said 'it's just a wank' but to me most wanks mean something. Whether that's an expression of joy and sincerity, which happens rarely these days, or a concious decision to fuck it and not improve my life for the sake of routine and a little dopamine. Have some willpower, yeah, but it's difficult to reverse a 15 years of training. But then again it's only as hard as you make it.
>> No. 29958 Anonymous
16th August 2020
Sunday 1:31 pm
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>>29957
>Sometimes I have to cover the bathroom mirror with a blanket so I don't catch my reflection.

Interesting you say that - I started a reply to you last night which detailed my own method of maintaining self-confidence, and thats to look in the mirror every morning and accept that everything is my fault - by accepting and taking complete responsibility for my life, and never blaming others for any predicament, I find it easier to maintain a sense of self and balance.

>narcissistic
Your apparent self awareness and reflection here would indicate not, but I'm not expert at all at diagnosing that - a person in my family has been diagnosed with pathological narcissistic personality disorder, and a big part of the issue is that lack of responsibility or self-awareness of it (or the desire to change).
>> No. 29959 Anonymous
16th August 2020
Sunday 1:50 pm
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>>29958

You've mentioned this before, and I don't think it's healthy. If it works for you fair enough, but I don't think it really relates much to narccisistlad.

There are plenty of things in life you just can't possibly hope to influence, and you have to accept on some level that you get dragged along with the current and you can't fight it. It's a terrific burden off the mind when you come to grips with that. It'll do you no good going fully the opposite way and blaming every single problem on somebody else, like a fat bird on Tumblr, but still.

>>29957

>I struggle with identity, sometimes considerably.

Could you elaborate? In what way?

I've often felt something similar. My online life is lived from behind either the mask of Anonymous or a carefully maintained alter-ego furfag lad here, my social life outside of work was tied to the music scene for a long time where I wasn't really me, but that guy from that band. I feel at my least fulfilled when I'm forced to just be plain old me, with my plain boring name, in my plain boring town and its plain boring people.

Sometimes I think I'm a proper mentalist and self-absorbed nutcase for it, but then at the same time, I think it's either rather normal nowadays, or "normal" people are even worse for it. Everyone presents a meticulously curated image of themselves on Facebook and the Instagram and what have you, lots people struggle to come to terms with things like their sexuality because there's so much pressure to pick which precise subgenre of LGBTQBRLMS+ you are instead of just "straight but fancy a cock up the arse now and again".

The modern world seems, at times, entirely designed to give you a complex about your identity.
>> No. 29960 Anonymous
16th August 2020
Sunday 1:59 pm
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>>29959
>I don't think it's healthy. If it works for you fair enough

Yeah which is why I didn't post last night, but I thought his comment about hiding from the mirror interesting. You're quite right that I don't attempt to control/change the things I can't control.
>> No. 29961 Anonymous
17th August 2020
Monday 10:45 am
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>>29959
>Could you elaborate? In what way?
I'm really struggling to but I don't want to leave your post ignored. You seem like an intereting person.
>> No. 29962 Anonymous
18th August 2020
Tuesday 3:06 pm
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My dick doesn't work, I've lost the sensation on the top of my right foot and my face feels funny; dying, at last.
>> No. 29976 Anonymous
28th August 2020
Friday 11:07 pm
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I am dogged by the feeling that society is actually crumbling, and we're heading into a very dark time of upheaval and strife. The type of thing people in post-war Germany had to live through, ex-Soviet countries, that kind of situation. The sort of thing people just take for granted won't happen here because we have our nice big tellies and fancy cars on PCPs, only it's happening very gradually, so nobody notices. It genuinely distresses me sometimes.
>> No. 29977 Anonymous
29th August 2020
Saturday 10:37 am
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>>29976
Maybe this will cheer you up:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0016328719303507
>> No. 29978 Anonymous
29th August 2020
Saturday 12:04 pm
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>>29976

How acutely you feel this depends on how well embedded you are in society. If you were always living on the margins, you probably have a heightened perception of these things. If you're relatively well off, though, you can afford to insulate yourself from many of the effects, and lessen the paranoia and sense of instability that comes with these changes.

Covid-19 isn't going to end the world, but it should lead us to question our health and elderly care systems.

Not to give you more to worry about, but I honestly think the more realistic worry would be climate change. A truly rational media system would be hammering the point home every day: scientific consensus overwhelmingly says that we are going to have to radically change the energy systems on which our entire modern livelihood is based.

Sage for not being helpful. If you do care about this stuff, though, know that you're not alone.
>> No. 29979 Anonymous
29th August 2020
Saturday 9:50 pm
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>>29978

Honestly I feel like it's the opposite to what you describe.

When I was a doley free-falling through life day by day and doing what I had to to get by, I was remarkably content and worry free. I've rationalised that because I didn't have anything to lose, nothing mattered much. The choices were all hard rational ones- Do I buy fags and cope with being a bit peckish all week or food and cope with dying for a fag all week?

But the more of a respectable member of society I've become the more it worries me that everything could come crashing down. The meagre foothold I've carved out could just crumble away, without it even being my fault, and there being absolutely fat fuck all that I could do to stop it.

I suppose it makes sense in a way, but even so.
>> No. 29980 Anonymous
29th August 2020
Saturday 10:43 pm
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>>29979
Not to be callous but it sounds to me like you're getting lost in nostalgia and overthinking things.

1. The future is full of scary unknowns while the past has a comfortable certainty. I'm certain you worried for your future in the past as well only now you know the sun rose the next day. The Aztecs killed for that kind of certainty.

2. There's literally no point in being anxious about some unknown calamity down the line - just focus on getting through today as best as you can. Yes, some disaster could strike at any moment but there's not much we can do about that and if the bombs drop your worrying won't matter.

If that doesn't help then open notepad on your computer, write the problem out and think up three solutions. I'm sure before you've even finished writing the problem you will be more at ease.

>>29977
>>29978
Is /emo/ really the place for this?
>> No. 29981 Anonymous
30th August 2020
Sunday 11:06 am
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>>29980
>Is /emo/ really the place for this?

Perhaps not, and I'll respect the wish if anyone doesn't want to hear about it. I can say for me, personally, thinking through the things that scare me as rationally as possible and sorting through what fears are worth having or not has been useful to my peace of mind, but I fully accept it's not always helpful, and not to everyone.
>> No. 29982 Anonymous
30th August 2020
Sunday 9:04 pm
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Maybe it is the prepper in me but I'd trade lockdown for full society collapse. At the very least it wouldn't be boring.

I feel proudly under stimulated. I know exactly what I need, but I am denied the capacity to acquire it.
>> No. 29983 Anonymous
2nd September 2020
Wednesday 3:04 pm
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Oh, bother, I think I've rather wasted my life. Or ruined it. I'm in two minds about which.
>> No. 29984 Anonymous
3rd September 2020
Thursday 9:55 pm
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>>29983

Got someone pregnant, lad?
>> No. 29990 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 4:43 pm
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Minor anxiety I have for no reason:

For the office Christmas party last year we were in a crowded bar and as I was squeezing through I had my hands outstretched to my side. As my arms were down the back of my hand made contact with a female colleagues arse. Not even a light glaze - it was a proper rub. Nothing I could do, I just pretended it didn't happen but I noticed my boss was glaring at me from across the room while he was talking with her later that night.

Nothing come of it and I'm sure everyone knows that I'm not that sort of bloke but still, every now and again it bothers me because it sounds so cliche. Maybe there's a reputation I have that I don't know about "don't be alone with him on a nights out girls, bit loose with his hands that one". We work in completely different parts of the office now so it's not like I can just explain in private to resolve my obsession. And just look at how wrong this all reads to you.

Needless to say, I will never go to a Christmas party again and if I do I will raise my hands up as I squeeze past any crowds. Fuck sake, is it normal to be menaced with things like this?
>> No. 29991 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 4:46 pm
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>>29984
Chance would be a fine thing.
>> No. 29992 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 8:04 pm
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>>29990
Chance would be a fine thing.
>> No. 29993 Anonymous
8th September 2020
Tuesday 12:31 am
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>>29990

You think that's bad? I can't remember if I got off with one of my colleagues at the last Christmas do. I might well have copped a feel and I sort of half remember holding hands with her in the taxi. Neither of us have brought it up, but I can't tell if I'm imagining the flirtatious tension whenever I talk with her at work since then. Awfully troubling stuff.
>> No. 29994 Anonymous
8th September 2020
Tuesday 8:37 am
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Minor angst: argued with my girlfriend about the temperature of the bedroom, but of course it wasn't really about the temperature of the bedroom.

I'm thinking about moving out.
>> No. 29995 Anonymous
8th September 2020
Tuesday 9:13 am
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>>29990>>29993
I had to have a meeting as a result of a Christmas party where I was drunk, did a limp wrist and supposedly my hand brushed against someone's tit but I have no recollection of that happening.
>> No. 29997 Anonymous
8th September 2020
Tuesday 6:29 pm
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>>29993

The last Christmas party I went to, a bird I worked with every day sat on my lap in a taxi and I very definitely shoved my hand all the way up her skirt while she wittered on to me and my boss about, of all things, how much liked my missus. We ended up holding hands under the table in a vodka bar where we both passed out before either of us managed to book a hotel.

Given that none of it was ever mentioned again I'd almost think I'd made it up if it wasn't for the unmistakable pang of guilt I still feel about it almost a decade later.
>> No. 29998 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 9:19 pm
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>>29997
>unmistakable pang of guilt I still feel about it almost a decade later

I sometimes still have flashes of guilt for minor things I did twenty years ago. I'm not sure if this is a strength or weakness.
>> No. 29999 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 9:23 pm
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>>29997

I don't know if it's a mark of some kind of psychopathy or moral failing, but I never felt guilt, as such, about my drunken Christmas do behaviour. In the end nothing actually happened, I think, so no harm done- And my missus probably wouldn't even be all that bothered if I told here I got wrecked and snogged another bird. She's not the jealous type.

What does get to me though is just that creeping sense of embarrassment and shameful self doubt, over what you might have said, how you were acting, how many other people saw it, that sort of thing. I can't stand it. Part of me thinks I should start wearing a go-pro on nights out so I can review the footage later, but at the same time I know I'm better off not knowing.
>> No. 30000 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 12:38 pm
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I'm in a social group with a bunch of petty childish people. I've realised that outside of events where I'm actually there I likely barely exist to these people.

Generally, I've not been on the direct receiving end of the pettiness and stayed neutral on most issues, but recently I made what was my first sin in 7ish years of knowing these people; an admittedly poorly-timed and off colour joke (for which I apologised once I sobered up), but instead of confronting me about it, instead there were a massive string of tweets made about it.

I sort of want to gently drift away from them (just leaving would invoke more childish pettiness). However, especially given the recent situation, they are the only semi-regular face-to-face social contact I'm likely to have.

I have friends outside this group, but many now live far away or for whatever reason I can't see particularly frequently. Even my workmates have all moved.

What the fuck do I do? It's not like I'm in uni and can just rock up to a random society any more (and even then, covid). I don't want to revert fully to teenlad me, spending 24 hours a day in front of a computer, never seeing anyone, but it feels like I have to cast myself into that situation.
>> No. 30001 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 12:58 pm
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>>30000
Find yourself a social hobby like a football team. Next time don't get involved with obviously shit people, you run with the lame and you'll give yourself a limp.
>> No. 30002 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 1:16 pm
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>>30000
What was the joke?
>> No. 30003 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 1:32 pm
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>>30001
Ironically enough for >>30002, I am crippled so sports teams aren't an option. Either way, surely team sports are off the cards right now?

I sarcastically called Owen Jones a "cuck", sarcastically. It wasn't interpreted that way. That's it. Apparently that's homophobic -unsure why, but whatever.
>> No. 30004 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 1:43 pm
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>>30003
Whoops, got my posts mixed up, and can't seem to delete. Well, either way I'm just not sure where I can find face to face contact right now u less I'm already friends with them.
>> No. 30005 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 2:02 pm
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>>30003
If someone used cuck in IRL conversation I'd probably think less of them.
>> No. 30006 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 2:06 pm
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>>30005
Cuck.
>> No. 30007 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 2:07 pm
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>>30005
It was a sarcastic joke meant to parody the alt-right's usage of it and it didn't land. What can I say.
>> No. 30008 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 2:20 pm
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>>30007
Give it a few weeks. You're feeling consumed by it because of how recently it happened. It'll wear off a bit when it isn't so fresh.
>> No. 30009 Anonymous
13th September 2020
Sunday 11:24 pm
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>>30007
It's difficult to parody the alt-right because so many people actually think like that; they're sort of everywhere.
>> No. 30010 Anonymous
14th September 2020
Monday 1:29 am
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>>30009
The difference here is that these people know my political leanings, and know that I wouldn't seriously mean it. They are just so eager to get that one up, to be 100% holier-than-thou.

Either way, this is just one aspect of the group - there are ridiculous double standards at play, absolutely childish cliques within it, and generally thinking about it I've been meeting up with them semi-regularly but I can't think of a time I actually enjoyed it that much. Primarily, it was the relief of getting out of the house. I'm no longer on the same wavelength as these people in many respects - whilst I used to, I no longer enjoy the same music they do, I don't play the same games, most of them tend to be hypersexual, and spend hours and hours talking about relationships whilst I'm a permavirgin. As I say, outside of larger group settings I don't really exist to many of them.

Yesterday's events were mainly a catalyst to get me think about the unhealthiness of the whole thing, but also feeling trapped that realistically I can't ditch it unless I want to spend at least the next few months without seeing someone face-to-face.
>> No. 30025 Anonymous
24th September 2020
Thursday 8:02 pm
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I'm sat on .gs on the eve of my birthday with absolutely nothing to do and no-one to talk to. All my mates my age now have responsibilities such as kids and partners and all that and the people I know younger than me can't do anything because of the whole 'rona situation. I can't even get blackout drunk and make a whole load of noise by myself because I live with the 'rents. Fucking hell, it's so grim.
>> No. 30026 Anonymous
24th September 2020
Thursday 8:31 pm
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>>30025
Don't beat yourself up over it. Birthdays should be treated as little more than an excuse to treat yourself if you want to avoid disappointment - have a nice bath or a bowl of children's cereal while watching cartoons. That's not sad, it's perfectly normal.

Happy Birthday all the same.
>> No. 30027 Anonymous
24th September 2020
Thursday 9:47 pm
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>>30025
Happy Birthday ladm9
>> No. 30028 Anonymous
24th September 2020
Thursday 9:48 pm
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>>30025
Happy birthday mate. I'll get blackout drunk for you if that helps.
>> No. 30029 Anonymous
24th September 2020
Thursday 11:43 pm
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>>30025
Are you into games or owt? Pop on the Discord if you're still feeling shite tomorrow and we'll spin up some fun.
>> No. 30030 Anonymous
25th September 2020
Friday 7:35 am
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>>30025

Happy birthday!

>>30029

I could pull out the jackbox games again, if >>30025 wants, it has been a while.
>> No. 30031 Anonymous
25th September 2020
Friday 6:01 pm
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Suffering from a pretty severe case of anhedonia right now. Had a long week and just want to relax and recharge but all I've done is sit and scroll reddit. Sometimes I just can't be arsed with anything.

It's not so much that I'm seriously depressed or I've got stuff on my mind, I'll just get into a bit of a rut and old wounds start to open up again because I've got nothing exciting going on at the minute. There's not much I can do about it, it's mostly really inconsequential shit from a couple of years ago, where only time will eventually allow me to let go of it. But until then it tends to come back on me when I've nothing to distract myself with.

I wish I could be arsed to go play some games or play some music or whatever. it's a really perplexing feeling to just not be able to get up and do something, nor really want to, even though you're bored as fuck.
>> No. 30032 Anonymous
25th September 2020
Friday 7:05 pm
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>>30026
>>30027
>>30028
>>30029
>>30030

Cheers lads, it actually means a lot. Might head into the Discord at some point although I am feeling a lot better today.
>> No. 30033 Anonymous
25th September 2020
Friday 7:11 pm
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>>30031
>There's not much I can do about it, it's mostly really inconsequential shit from a couple of years ago, where only time will eventually allow me to let go of it. But until then it tends to come back on me when I've nothing to distract myself with.

When I'm suffering from ennui I force myself to go for a walk. At the very least it will help you sleep if it doesn't restart your mood. Maybe pedestrians will be idiots again and you can occupy your mind with rage.

To make the conversation all about me, do you also get that thing where you remember every time you could've had sex but didn't? I'm still not over how I managed to break my own heart at university by not sleeping with a girl I was absolutely smitten with on multiple occasions. I really wish I'd talked to you lads about that so maybe you'd have leapt into my body to break the impasse. It would likely have been a whole lot of stress but goddamn it, I was so happy when I was with her.
>> No. 30034 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 7:07 am
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>>30033

I don't spend a lot of time thinking about opportunities I missed, but I spend a lot of time thinking about how my current sex life compares to previous partners.

I get a lot of "Man, why the fuck did I leave Anonette, she was a dirty bitch and she used to worship my cock like a real slag constantly telling me how big I am and how horny it makes her. My current partner will barely keep it in her mouth for more than a minute. She's so shit. I hate her."

In reality I know exactly why I left Anonette and why my current partner is a better match. But in those moments I'm just consumed with this weird sort of jealousy for my past self, and a resentment that no matter how much we talk about the subject or how much I try to encourage her, my current partner will just never be the kind of enthusiastic slag I want her to be.

Such is life. Typing it out on here usually helps a lot funnily enough. Forgive me Father.
>> No. 30035 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 6:18 pm
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I am struggling to come to terms with the fact I used to be a very unpleasant person. Very spiteful, talked shit about people behind their back, engaged in gossip. I was not alone in this - my friendship group at the time all behaved like this. But in my later years I've tried to turn a new leaf, not be a judgmental prick. But I feel like I've burned a lot of bridges in my social circle. How do I show people I've changed for the better?
>> No. 30036 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 6:21 pm
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>>30035
>How do I show people I've changed for the better?
You can't force that, it'll just come across as manipulative. Just keep on doing what you're doing and the people who are willing to see your change, will.
>> No. 30037 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 7:20 pm
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>>30035

I wouldn't bother, don't go looking for forgiveness from people you've wronged in the past, it's only your ego seeking approval. If they want to give you another chance that's up to them. Instead, focus on making new mates and building a healthy social circle.

I'm pretty sure everyone's a bit of a dickhead until they're about 25 or so, anyway. I wouldn't lose sleep over it.
>> No. 30039 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 8:31 pm
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>>30038
>it sounds like the classic struggle of the id and the super ego. the super ego has a long list of by the numbers of why you should 'stick with your wife', but the id knows what rings it bell and it ain't this. The super ego might make the more sensible argument but that doesn't mean you should ignore the id, in fact most who do find they end up doing stupid shit when they are drunk that they can't really explain even to themselves why they did it.
Am I going crazy or was this really difficult to read?
>> No. 30040 Anonymous
27th September 2020
Sunday 2:36 pm
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>>30039
Your id was probably telling you to ignore it whilst your superego was saying "pay attention".

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