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>> No. 28832 Anonymous ## Mod ##
23rd August 2019
Friday 9:26 am
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Locked Stickied

>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.

>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 28953 Anonymous
15th September 2019
Sunday 8:48 pm
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I don't want to top myself, but I honestly dread waking up everyday. Why can I just die peacefully in my sleep?
>> No. 28954 Anonymous
15th September 2019
Sunday 11:52 pm
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What's putting the willies up you come morning?
>> No. 28955 Anonymous
16th September 2019
Monday 1:13 am
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The fact of living for another day. I try my best and put mu affairs in order hoping that I die in my sleep. I have been doing this for three years now. It is draining.
>> No. 28956 Anonymous
17th September 2019
Tuesday 10:51 am
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Why does it seem to be getting harder, lads? I've been alone my whole life but this past month all I've felt is that I'm in desperate need of a hug and someone to tell me things are ok.
>> No. 28957 Anonymous
17th September 2019
Tuesday 2:51 pm
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Things are OK, lad. We’re all gonna make it.

>> No. 28911 Anonymous
9th September 2019
Monday 4:53 am
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Life could be really beautiful, if not for the combination of being coerced into work on the threat of poverty and having little control over what we really do there.

I feel like I've spent most of my life trying to crack this problem, how to live happily when such a system exists, or how to escape it altogether.

My method so far has been to train and educate myself into better, "freer" forms of employment, and it's worked out to some extent. But I still often feel immense money pressures, and an underlying feeling something is deeply wrong. There's a deep sense of insecurity, of running on a treadmill, one that prevents any kind of true happiness or contentedness.

I've read someone here mention the Buddhist "the glass is already broken" type of mindset, and I understand that not all things are perfect and stable, and why this realisation would help. But this aspect of life is entirely artificial, work and resource allocation don't need to take this form. It's an unnecessary kind of suffering. If we do accept suffering and precariousness, surely it should only be the truly necessary and unavoidable?

Anyway, I feel like I've tried multiple avenues to liberate myself. I've been in higher education and training for years, in an attempt to get into tolerable work, especially the kind of thing where I help others ("Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life"). While I'm grateful to have found semi-fulfilling work, I still feel suffocated. I've looked into frugal living and "financial independence"/FIRE. I've even tentatively tried political activism and collective organisation.

These are all ongoing projects, but I suspect the only way to truly get yourself out of the rat race is to either abandon it entirely, or to own enough capital that you have others make your money for you.

I want to open myself up to different methods, though. How have others navigated this problem?

Even on .gs a post will spring up that poses a novel new solution. The lad doing remote tech support, for example. We also seem to have an improbably high number of wealthy lads, here.
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>> No. 28926 Anonymous
9th September 2019
Monday 9:39 pm
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I'm sure you've watched enough Big Clive videos between you to bodge some kind of matter replicator. Once you've done that we're twelve months at most from being post-resource scarcity, the only issue then might be everyone having too many kids, but we should able to get off the planet quicker once the food and fuel issue it sorted. Actually no, we'd still be dependent on fossil fuels so maybe we're still knackered, but you'd have to check with GreenLad about that, I only really know about wild speculation.
>> No. 28927 Anonymous
9th September 2019
Monday 11:53 pm
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I suppose it would depend on how energy efficient your matter reassembler is. If you can create structures with more potential energy than your matter machine takes to assemble them, you're sorted.

Sage because this is emo.
>> No. 28928 Anonymous
10th September 2019
Tuesday 12:19 am
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>I want to open myself up to different methods, though. How have others navigated this problem?

The people I work with are pretty decent and my job is interesting, varied and valued. Hard days happen but you laugh it off with your mates which, even as an introvert, might be what you're missing. People are social animals defining themselves by those around them - Alasdair MacIntyre and all that.

I dunno, it looks like everyone has their own answer to this which is fair enough. I'm a lazy bastard so it probably helps that I have the expertise to slack off and still manage a decent enough job with the occasional bout of effort when absolutely necessary.

I've also been doing a fair bit of shagging this year.
>> No. 28929 Anonymous
10th September 2019
Tuesday 6:00 pm
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> Appreciating what is good in your life can help you no matter what your station. But let's say, hypothetically, I'm already a highly emotionally developed (for lack of a better term) person, that I am appreciating what happiness there is in my life, but I'm still both extremely ambitious for myself and angry at the injustices that occur as a result of the current system. What then? What if I really am just searching for pragmatic solutions to a real world problem, and I've got the emotional side more or less sorted?

No idea lad, not going to lie.
Just one thing I've just recalled.
A Russian ex-con told me once. He'd been doing porridge for several years and that made him realise how little a human being actually needed for happiness.
'Tea and some sweets', as he'd put it. And not being bothered.

Sage because I'm not really answering your question.
>> No. 28930 Anonymous
10th September 2019
Tuesday 6:42 pm
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Simple, lad- We just invent a matter reassembler that reaassembles all its matter from the raw material of CO2.

Then we sterilise everyone.

>> No. 28675 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 1:49 pm
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I keep running up against a wall in my relationships with others, romantic and platonic, and a recent talk with my girlfriend made this clear.

In short: I internalised the fact that I am very much alone in the world from a very young age. A degree of emotional independence might be healthy, but I take it much too far. I struggle with the idea that anyone really has my back or wants to (or even can) support me. I have a lot of confidence in myself, not so much in others.

I could examine every little reason for and aspect of that, but I don't feel like I need to. I think it's a typical story: boy in a shite industrial town, hard-working but depressed parents. Lots of toxic relationships and traumatic experiences. Didn't or couldn't have much faith in the adults around me. Truthfully, for a long time I did not have anyone, so handled it by keeping things to myself. I'm sure this can be pathologised as avoidant personality or disordered attachment or whatever label you like, but that kind of analysis doesn't really interest me much.

The other side of the coin is that I'm also pretty bright, emotionally expressive, and sociable. I have a lot of interests and have mixed with many kinds of people. I like talking to and sharing life with others. I have built a very good life for myself in another location and am loving meeting people here.

The result is that I have a lot of friends and enjoy the companionship, but as soon as something rubs me the wrong way or I feel that people are no longer an "ally", the switch flips and I quite literally feel nothing for them but a very cold sense of distance. The best way I can describe it is anger, but viewed through a telescope.

I sometimes feel as though the same sensitivity and awareness that makes me so good at gabbing and becoming close with people is the exact same sensitivity which will put me on high alert if anyone indicates they might hurt me or let me down.

This understandably upsets and confuses people, especially girls I've become involved with. I really hate this. I hate hurting others. And to be quite honest, it doesn't seem fair to open up and unleash my "issues" on people, even if they want to know and help. Treating friends and partners like therapists is rarely a good idea.

I want to handle this responsibly. I don't see any romance in "damaged but charming" or any other stereotypee. Money is a bit tight for proper therapy right now, and I've found most therapists woefully inept in dealing with young men in particular. I know at least one of you will suggest CBT, and I won't reject it out of hand but it seems like an extremely dry and mechanical process. I have my reservations about it. So, what do I do?
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>> No. 28677 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 4:18 pm
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You might want to read up on attachment theory.

>> No. 28895 Anonymous
4th September 2019
Wednesday 5:49 pm
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I feel like I'm becoming cold as fuck.

I haven't seen my girlfriend for three weeks, some friends for four months, and my family for nearly a year. Yet I don't miss any of them, or even really feel their absence. In some cases, I even feel rather grateful for the time apart.
>> No. 28896 Anonymous
4th September 2019
Wednesday 6:16 pm
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Ah shite, a lot of what you lads have said in this thread is ringing true for me and I've recently decided a hermit life is best for me. However, honestly it's great so far and I remember wanting this back when I was a kid, I guess I forgot.
>> No. 28897 Anonymous
4th September 2019
Wednesday 6:51 pm
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I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. My parents were quite emotionally unstable and needy, so I grew up trying to be a sort of parent to my own parents. For many years I didn't like hugging people, because mum only ever hugged me when she needed a hug, never when she thought I needed a hug. My home life wasn't abusive or especially neglectful, but there was always a pallor of gloom and dread hanging over everything.

I grew up treading on eggshells, always trying to reassure and appease my parents, so in my adult life I tend to keep people at a distance to avoid the sheer effort of what I thought intimacy meant. For me, the key insight was realising that healthy relationships can survive some amount of conflict. It's OK to have a disagreement, it's even OK to have a blazing row occasionally, it's OK to vent about my shitty day or get a bit arsey about the state of the kitchen sink. Subconsciously, the fear of being abandoned by my moody and unreliable parents had stifled my ability to express my own emotional needs in adult relationships.

I'm not sure it's something I'll ever "get over", but being consciously aware of this tendency allows me to deal with things in a healthier and more mature way. I still tend to be guarded and keep people at arm's length, I still tend to smooth things over rather than argue things out, but I can remind myself to be a bit more assertive about my own needs, a bit less fearful about being abandoned and a bit more open about my personal experiences.

I can second the recommendation of >>28677 and would also suggest reading up on transactional analysis, which is a practical application of attachment theory.

>> No. 28900 Anonymous
4th September 2019
Wednesday 10:07 pm
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Assuming that in long-term they all die, such self-sufficiency - if that's it - might be beneficial.
Sage because now I slightly feel 'cold as fuck'.
Myself, I surely appreciate the distance and the need to retreat into my shell periodically.

>> No. 28885 Anonymous
1st September 2019
Sunday 6:23 pm
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What do you do when you break up with somebody who trusts you. I feel like I've abandoned somebody quite special. Patient, kind, understanding. And I feel like an ass because now they think they've done something wrong, or they're not good enough. I broke up because I have a fixation with another girl who I've known as a friend for a lot longer, but who I still don't know very well on an individual level. And probably it will come to nothing; she won't like me once she knows me, or I won't like her, and now I've hurt somebody I liked, who also liked me. I think I need somebody to tell me that maybe I made the wrong decision, but it's not fatal; it's not a big deal.
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>> No. 28887 Anonymous
2nd September 2019
Monday 8:35 pm
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If you wanted to pursue other possibilities then ending it is the kindest thing you could have done for her. It sucks but any other decision would have been crueller in the long run.
>> No. 28888 Anonymous
2nd September 2019
Monday 8:54 pm
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Would the same thing happen to the second person?

Are you >>28870?
>> No. 28889 Anonymous
2nd September 2019
Monday 10:45 pm
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Don't listen to this lad.

By doing this you have undermined the foundations and it's always going to be weaker as a result. It's a shame, and sometimes you will make the wrong decision in love. But it's true what they say, there will always be someone else.

It's important to keep in mind that you always want what you can't have- I always lust after my exes. I have to remind myself of all the reasons I left them/they left me. The brain has a habit of leaving out their flaws when you look back in yearning.
>> No. 28890 Anonymous
3rd September 2019
Tuesday 1:42 pm
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I'm afraid i have very little advice to give you OP, but know that I've just suggested a break from my partner, as I too have become somewhat fixated with another (which will likely come to nothing, but I think i'm OK with that).

The problem is though, I've had a couple of breaks with my partner for a few different reasons over the last few years. However, as time passes we both end up very depressed and missing each other dreadfully, and we end up back together. But then, as more time passes I always end up wanting to separate again. It feels like i'm stuck in a bit of a loop, so perhaps now really is the time to move on. I do understand how tough this all is though. It's not a pleasant feeling hurting someone who has been so kind and supportive over the years.
>> No. 28891 Anonymous
3rd September 2019
Tuesday 4:52 pm
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Nah, not me. I will update my thread soonish.

>> No. 28846 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 10:06 am
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Has anyone here managed to cure their hard-flaccid?

I'm nearly 40 and I've had this since i was about 12. I think it was caused by bad masturbation technique in which I'd tense up my kegel muscles to achieve quicker orgasm.

Is it too late to cure now?
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>> No. 28864 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 10:48 pm
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Cardio exercise would probably be your best bet. No harm in keeping on doing these reverse kegels, either, I suppose. But what you really want to do is give your lad a more adequate supply of juice. Definitely get on with a healthier diet too.

I always get a much more solid stonk on after a couple of days hard manual work. I'm not sure what can done about the muscle cramping but if you can boost your fitness in those other areas it might help overcome that altogether.
>> No. 28865 Anonymous
25th August 2019
Sunday 12:31 am
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I'm younger than you, and it's not the same thing... But I messed up my penis as a teenager and for a good decade it would only get hard in parts/lumps unless I massaged it to help the blood get to the parts it was supposed to go.

My condition eventually got better.
>> No. 28877 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 11:40 am
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Yesterday I bought eggs for the first time in ages and i think it's because of this thread.
>> No. 28879 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 4:21 pm
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Big Egg shilling on .gs, m8. What a world.
>> No. 28880 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 6:57 pm
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Big Egg shelling

>> No. 28825 Anonymous
21st August 2019
Wednesday 7:19 pm
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Following my grandfathers death at the age of 81, I've been feeling remarkably low.

I am 'only' 27, however since his funeral I've been near-constantly considering my life. The inevitability of pain and death. I've been thinking how short it is really, and how I'm *twenty seven* years through it already. I feel like I'm old, like my life will pass me by in no time. This inevitability scares me, it depresses me, it makes me question how everybody on earth can seemingly just "get on with it" without lamenting these things. I don't know what to do, I feel fucking terrible. One day I will see people I love dearly die, or perhaps I'll die first. I can't enjoy my life any more. I feel sick to the stomach.

I wasn't particularly close to my grandfather, we were somewhat estranged. News of his death didn't immediately hit me. But I've felt like this following the funeral. I'm hoping the obvious cause of these feelings mean they have an expiry on them. This was the first relative of mine I've known to pass.
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>> No. 28829 Anonymous
22nd August 2019
Thursday 4:44 am
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What you described in your second paragraph is entirely normal for someone who has just been made to face their own mortality properly for the first time.

Everybody dies. We all know this, but until that moment we don't fully appreciate it. That feeling will linger, and it'll come back at other funerals, but rarely will it be as intense as that first time. In the short term, it'll probably pass before too long. As the saying goes, this too shall pass.
>> No. 28830 Anonymous
22nd August 2019
Thursday 6:44 pm
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I don't know what else to say other than that I've felt similar feelings but not as strongly after losing loved ones. You're a human being and grief is natural.

If he didn't mean anything to you, you wouldn't be hurting. I think there is some comfort to that. You were blessed to have that person in your life.

Stay strong, m8.
>> No. 28839 Anonymous
23rd August 2019
Friday 7:17 pm
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Thanks lads. Never felt worse though. Can't get out of bed. If I do, I start to get some strange de realization thing. This seems to hit me in waves. I want to drink my way out of this, but won't. Please, if any one has had anything similar. How did you fix this? I have this obsession with death. Me dying.
>> No. 28842 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 12:17 am
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My grandad died when I was six. He was pretty young, maybe in his early sixties. Smoked like a chimney though, upwards of 60 a day. Not a surprise in the end.

I don't remember feeling much at the time, I was probably too young to have really understood. However I think having such an early experience of death and mortality has left an impression on me. I had several other elderly relatives die before I was even a teenager. The realisation that humans are remarkably short lived, in the greater scheme of things, has been with me since I was very young.

If anything I've always felt slightly guilty that I don't experience what most people do when a relative passes away. I don't grieve like you are supposed to and I feel bad for being such a cold hearted psychopath. So if anything, OP, be glad that you have those feelings. They are there for a reason, and almost everyone goes through it. It fades with time and it's something everyone has to learn from to truly appreciate the time they are alive.
>> No. 28878 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 4:11 pm
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> I feel like I'm old, like my life will pass me by in no time.
The thing is, time does indeed go faster as I age, even if it's just perception.

I've been there. My ma died a few years ago. I think as if it was just about two years ago; nope, almost four already.
I didn't fix it. Was too busy with the meatspace stuff that accompanies the funeral and the aftermath. Didn't get my chance to hide somewhere and let it all pass through and out.
I wish I did. Repressing it didn't work, it just manifested in erratic behaviour, me not being me of sorts. A bit hysterical and overly excited at times (not my traits at all).

Perhaps drinking it out is not such a bad idea as it might seem at first. I'm not sure.

I can only console you with the banality that it gets easier with time. Or as one undertaker put it, 'Think what how you'd feel in two years'. Even if such thought feels like a blasphemy now.

Years before about the only thing I'd loathe to think about is my mother dying. Then it happened and I weathered it quite better than I would have expected to.
Interesting enough, .gs were there for me too.
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>> No. 28870 Anonymous
25th August 2019
Sunday 8:26 pm
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Sorry for adding this short fucking novel to the spate of recent /emo/ posts, particularly one with such a similar problem to otherlad, but I’m >>28820 and this problem is at a crossroads.

No excuses for my behaviour, but the story goes:

I started dating Girl A and things were a bit tepid. We had some nice dates but things weren't getting much beyond platonic. After a couple of weeks of not meeting, Girl B happened to move to a nearby town, someone I’d mingled with in the past and wanted to ask out two years earlier, but our jobs separated us before I had the chance. We met to catch up, and I felt a strong attraction. I visited her over a couple of weekends and things really click, we had some nice long discussions about life, and we had sex.

This is where things get bad. During one of my visits, Girl B looks through my phone while I’m taking a shower, finding messages from Girl A. I explain the situation – that things never really came together with Girl A – and while she’s understandably upset, she apologises for looking through my phone. We put it down to bad timing, and admitted that while the distance made things a bit complicated, we agreed a train journey to spend weekends together is a small price to pay and that it was still worth pursuing.

Girl A figured out something is up when our messaging cooled off. She asked me if there’s anything I want to tell her, and I tried to do the honourable thing. I told her about Girl B. She became angry – I replied that I like her but it wasn’t really clear that there was attraction between us. It could be that we’re different in how we express things. She assured me she that the "signs were there", and asks if we can’t “see where things go without any external interference".

If I were a better person I’d have said no… but I didn't, and Girl B then began to open up. We met up and did some outdoorsy activities, had fun, bonded a bit. We started sharing a bit more of our lives. She eventually offered to cook for me at her flat and I stayed the night. This led to my current situation. I see Girl A once or twice a week the evenings, rarely staying over but sometimes having sex, and I take a train to see Girl B and stay with her every other weekend or so.

I do feel immense guilt, and I know in the back of my head that I’m really sabotaging both. Things have been dragging on like this for a while, two or three months. Combined with money troubles and the fact I'm balancing a ludicrous workload (two part time jobs, odds and ends, organising a big career-related move, and full-time study), this has caused a lot of stress. I feel like I'm living a double/triple life. I want a clear conscience without causing unnecessary hurt.

Actually deciding what to do:
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>> No. 28873 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 12:51 am
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>and while she’s understandably upset, she apologises for looking through my phone. We put it down to bad timing, and admitted that while the distance made things a bit complicated

You're going to get a lot of controlling people insisting I'm wrong on this one but this is where you fucked up.
>> No. 28874 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 9:26 am
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Lad, you're not confident and this drama is a great way to distract you. You clearly have a lot on your plate with work and study- it appears stupid to embroil yourself in more drama.

Your decisions have caused you to feel worse and worse as time goes on, and you seek a solution that gets you out guilt-free. You can't, even if they never find out, as you know what's gone down and how it's played out. You have hurt people and you are living a double life.

There is no issue here, there's nothing to work out- you just need to accept it yourself and move forward. Clearly, both the women are alright but you're not in the right place for either of them. You're being a pussy by leading both of them on. I believe it was you that wrote:

>So you're saying sack them both off and be alone? I may as well take the chance with one of em.

Your aversion to being alone makes it all clear.

If you want to pick A or B then fine, you could probably swing it so that they never found out about all this and go on to live a happy life. However, I think you need to step up a bit and really recognise that a lot of this is about you being scared of being alone. Besides, had you taken action earlier you would have avoided a whole lot of trouble, and could have met the much better girl C, or even girl D (my personal favourite).

Lastly, you might want to think about why you put yourself in this position. It's often talked about passively, as if you can't help who you're attracted to, but you have walked into this of your own volition. There can be motives: it's easier to pine and hope for a better tomorrow, rather than accept and address your grimmer reality.

tl;dr – Get on with it
>> No. 28875 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 9:57 am
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Anon, are you the lad that posted in my old thread about the similar position?

If so, good luck, let me know what you do work out. I think there has to be a mythical girl C or D down the line, one thing I've learnt is that it's a mistake to stay with somebody because they're 'acceptable' and nothing else.

This really stings though, and I know what it's like trying to hold on to two boats sailing in different directions.

Good luck, please update us.
>> No. 28876 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 11:23 am
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>I believe it was you that wrote

That was actually the other lad who is facing a similar problem. I posted in that thread asking how things turned out, but didn't want to hijack his thread with my situation.

Otherwise, I assume you read my post and came to these conclusions about me. If so, not confident in what? My ability to meet new people, or in my life situation right now? Giving that some thought... "Dating" in this way is a new game to me, though I seem to be doing alright at it. Meeting and clicking with people for something more lasting, though, that has an element of chance that I find it difficult to cope with. My life right now is challenging, no doubt, but I am pretty certain things will turn out roughly as I want. As a sidenote, the last thing I wanted was to add this shite on top of almost constant pressure elsewhere.

I'm not sure my problem is fear of being alone -- I actually fear being stuck in a bad relationship more, honestly, which is why I'm thinking a lot about the long-term future. I also notice that there's an assumption here that we're all a bit younger than we actually are. For context, I'm in my late twenties and both girls are early to mid-thirties.

If I were to take a look at myself and why I made these bad decisions, I'd say it's a combination of factors. I was in a situation last year where I invested a lot in a girl and things unravelled within a few months. That was a horrible one. Another is my recent flurry of activity has put me in a kind of "take every opportunity, do everything to the best of your ability, hedge your bets" mindset, but I'm aware this is a morally awful thing to apply to other human beings. Another factor is that I genuinely like both and could see some sort of future with either girl.

I'm not asking to be absolved of guilt for my actions so far. I can live with what I've done, as long as I make some effort now to reduce the inevitable hurt someone's going to feel. I can try to be moral now, at least, and make the best of the situation.


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>> No. 28884 Anonymous
28th August 2019
Wednesday 12:40 pm
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Messaging Girl A and urging us to meet to talk...

Even now it's hard to work up the nerve to break up. Not just because I know she'll be hurt and disappointed, but also because I know there's a potential future in there I'll never get to see.

Why is it the moment I'm trying to end it, my mind runs through all the nice moments we've had?

I wish there were some way to continue both relationships without hurting anyone further. But it's easy for me to say from my more comfortable/powerful position. If I were them, I would be very jealous and angry if I knew the truth.

There's also a flipside to me where I almost feel resentful with both, as they both expressed early stage cold feet, anyway. I'm honestly tired of being expected to commit fully to people who are themselves extremely changeable. I know it's just the nature of things...

>> No. 28411 Anonymous
16th April 2019
Tuesday 8:34 pm
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Okay fellas, I have no major problems going on in my life right now, in fact since January I've been doing pretty well.

That said, I've just gotten home from the gym and wanked for two hours straight, after telling myself I wouldn't do the same thing I did yesterday which was wank for two hours straight after work.

This is after wanking a shitload on the weekend as well.

It's fucking with my routine and making me squash my days. I like to have a wank to a sexual fantasy now and then, but fuck sake I hate doing it for two hours.

Just someone give me some support to not do this for the rest of the week.
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>> No. 28498 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 12:42 pm
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>have a one terabyte porn collection
Weak shit my dude and this is after a significant recent prune. But I see myself as more of a "curator" than some fevered wank-addict.
>> No. 28866 Anonymous
25th August 2019
Sunday 12:47 am
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Update: I ended up trying nofap/noporn for a couple of weeks and it turns out I'm not unusually horny, I'm just addicted to porn. I noticed that whenever I was feeling bored, frustrated, or anxious, I'd want to watch some porn and edge to take the edge off. It leads to a helluva lot of wanking when boredom, frustration, anxiety are your three primary states of being.
>> No. 28867 Anonymous
25th August 2019
Sunday 1:56 pm
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Wanking is a way to get the parasympathetic nervous system going, I think. Chronic stress was my trigger for a lot of porn use. As life eased up I could relax in different ways.
>> No. 28868 Anonymous
25th August 2019
Sunday 2:16 pm
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Wanking feels nice. If there's sod-all else in your life that's nice, you're probably going to wank like a bonobo on Viagra. We often over-use the word "addiction" to mean "one of the few pleasures in an otherwise grim life".
>> No. 28869 Anonymous
25th August 2019
Sunday 3:42 pm
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You may be right.

I'm also a good example of how habit change can come about because of a shift in my circumstances (generally busier but less stressed, easier time falling asleep, less time to watch porn, etc.) rather than just relying on sheer willpower.

>> No. 28840 Anonymous
23rd August 2019
Friday 11:11 pm
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Oh fuck. I am 27 yo male virgin. Never touched a girl. I am fucking tired od this shit. I am not shy. Every friday and so today i go out into the streets looking for something to do but i return home done nothing. How do I change it whete do I start? I dont have any friends
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>> No. 28852 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 11:16 am
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If you're not shy then why haven't you tried picking up drunken bints on your Friday jaunts?

I would probably start working on the "no friends" bit first. Ideally you could find some sort of club where you can bond with people over shared interests, but if not, amateur team sports would be a good bet. I read somewhere that exercise enhances social bonds on a hormonal level, and the effect is even more potent when backed up by the camaraderie of team sports.
>> No. 28857 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 1:41 pm
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Well, if something isn't working then you need to try a different strategy. If you have a stable job and don't live at home then there's always speed-dating where women are forced to interact with you. I don't know what you're expecting to achieve by wandering the streets the nights or going to bars on your own.

>Every friday and so today i go out into the streets looking for something to do but i return home done nothing.

Is this a lyric from somewhere?
>> No. 28858 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 1:58 pm
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Billy Joel?
>> No. 28862 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 4:23 pm
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This might be anecdotal, but for what it's worth, my sexual relationships basically come down to meeting people through the following channels:

a) mutual friends
b) work colleagues
c) themed get-togethers intended for people to mingle (i.e. meetups, clubs)
d) online apps (I've had the most success with Bumble, where girls confirm their interest first)

So those are some more concrete suggestions. But as other lads have pointed out, it sounds like your problems may run a bit deeper. You can gradually overcome social isolation with a few positive changes here and there. For example, finding a new (or any) job automatically puts you into contact with people, moving to a new area will give you new neighbours and a reason to attend local meetups.

I think you should try focusing on the problems you can control and generally leading a good fulfilling life, meeting people will come naturally from that. Don't let it knock your confidence that you haven't had sex -- I'm sure you have your legitimate reasons and struggles.

Many people end up with absolutely dysfunctional sex lives despite early "success". Think about the people who have sexless relationships or marriages, those who are cheating, developing risky/dangerous sex behaviours, or hide their true sexual orientations. Not having sex until a late age is certainly not the worst thing that can happen in someone's sexual development
>> No. 28883 Anonymous
28th August 2019
Wednesday 12:08 pm
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I have been told that Hinge is Tinder for hideous and desperate people. Try that, if you're still around as I don't think you've replied once.

>> No. 27801 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:15 pm
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I met a girl on holiday and we clicked earlier this year, I think she is great and we had lots of great sex (exactly the kind I'm into).

We kept in touch and she discussed coming here to see me, even though she lives across the world and wants to carry this on until one of us can make a move to be with the other in a few short years. We skype and message all day every day but obviously the distance is a bit bonkers.

Meanwhile I also met another girl at work who is great but is very boring at the old sex, likes me to slowly grind into her and doesn't like oral sex, anal or anything beyond really vanilla stuff.

Both are attractive, both are lovely, both are really interested, girl from work is probably slightly more conventionally attractive. More importantly, she is also here with me and available now.

What do I do? Do I take the easy route and take the girl who si attractive and be grateful because she's here and there's a realistically good relationship there or do I try and get something to work with the person who is closer to my soulmate but lives across the world and I would somehow only see once or twice a year for the next few years at least whilst we work something out?

Help lads, decision needs to be made soon.

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>> No. 28672 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 10:32 pm
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That's exactly what I'm saying. Secretly you don't like either of them, otherwise you wouldn't be having such a quandary over it all.

When you find someone you really like, trust me, you'll know. Career is more important.
>> No. 28820 Anonymous
18th August 2019
Sunday 7:49 pm
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OP, if you're still around, I'd be interested to know how this situation turned out. I've found myself in a similar predicament and am totally lost on the best course of action. I do know I currently feel like shit and have started down that ugly path of lying about my whereabouts. I like them both, and I don't want to be (any more of) a scumbag. I've never been in this situation before -- what began as complacency is leading to active deception.


This post has hit close to home with me and I'm questioning how much I really care for either of them. I really like them both, both would make rewarding relationships in their own right, but neither really seem to suggest any feasible long-term future.
>> No. 28821 Anonymous
18th August 2019
Sunday 8:14 pm
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Well >>28672 has a rather naive concept of love. Love isn't some magical force compelling you to the right person to you unless you are a teenager consumed by hormones.
>> No. 28822 Anonymous
18th August 2019
Sunday 8:59 pm
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I never once used the word 'love' in that post, but it's entirely feasible for an adult to like someone enough to not feel like they need to weigh them up against another.
>> No. 28823 Anonymous
18th August 2019
Sunday 9:06 pm
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Somehow missed this, I rolled the dice and had holiday girl visit.

I'm still no closer to a decision, I'm still stuck mate. Sorry.

>> No. 28808 Anonymous
15th August 2019
Thursday 11:34 pm
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Last year I lived somewhere else. While I was there, I met a girl through a shared interest group. We'd see each other, and the rest of the group twice a week. We played squash once and tennis once. 6 months after we first met, I moved to another city, and I've been living here for 6 months (hello, London), and I haven't had any contact with this girl. Facebook keeps suggesting her as a "Person I May Know", and I'd like to get back in touch (and ask her out proper), because she's quite special, but I'm struggling to find an approach where I don't come across as a desperate loser.
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>> No. 28809 Anonymous
15th August 2019
Thursday 11:41 pm
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Add her, send her a message saying "hey, been a while! Fancy a rematch on that squash game?" or something that sounds more like you, add in an emoji or whatever you're meant to do now and that's that. There's nothing desperate about asking a lass out, or even just reconnecting with someone you used to spend time with.
>> No. 28810 Anonymous
15th August 2019
Thursday 11:45 pm
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I know this is basic bitch advice, but it seems like you're overthinking it. If you've played two seperate sports with someone that's more than enough justification to add them on Facebook. As we've established you can move around enough to hit balls with rackets I assume you don't look like John Prescott and living in London means you're at least mildly successful, even if you're just ferrying drugs to commuter towns your mum doesn't cook your dinner anymore and women like that. Unless you have some kind of terrible personality flaw like being a lieutenant in the EDL or collecting Funko Pops you should be fine just talking to her.
>> No. 28814 Anonymous
16th August 2019
Friday 6:40 pm
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>being a lieutenant in the EDL
Whats so bad about that?
>> No. 28815 Anonymous
16th August 2019
Friday 9:41 pm
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Yes, like the other lads I fail to see the problem. Maybe you're unable to see that there isn't one because you're so nervous. So, just chill and do as >>28809 says.

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>> No. 28802 Anonymous
4th August 2019
Sunday 2:55 pm
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What is the cure for avoidant personality disorder?

I don't want to be alone anymore but I'm so shy I can't even have a simple conversation with someone.
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>> No. 28803 Anonymous
4th August 2019
Sunday 5:02 pm
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There is no cure, but you can manage the symptoms effectively and lead a fulfilling life. Your primary line of attack is to treat the social anxiety that underpins the disorder.

This post covers the basics of your clinical treatment options >>27190.

In the case of social anxiety, the most important intervention is simply exposure. If you get into a consistent routine of interacting with people, your anxiety will gradually start to diminish. Treatments like medication or psychotherapy can be a really big help, but you need to put the work in. There's a cycle of anxiety and avoidance - you feel anxious in social situations, so you avoid people, so you feel even more anxious next time. You can reverse that cycle, but it requires consistent effort over a long period.

Think in terms of small, manageable goals. Do at least one thing every day that makes you feel uncomfortable but not completely terrified and reward yourself for doing it. If you're highly socially withdrawn, a good starting point might be just going to the corner shop every day to buy a snack. If you're OK with that sort of situation, you might want to go to the library and ask a librarian for a recommendation, or try asking strangers for directions. Over time, you can work towards more meaningful interaction like an evening class or a hobby group, then work from just getting in the door towards conversations and friendships.

Always keep in mind that it's about consistent action over time. Very small improvements to your anxiety will eventually add up to a huge change if you stick at it. Imagine feeling 1% less anxious about social situations - it's a tiny, almost imperceptible change, yes? If you can reduce your anxiety by 1% every week, you'll be 40% less anxious after a year and 75% less anxious after two years. I think you'll agree that a 75% reduction in anxiety would be life-changing, but you get there 1% at a time. Even the smallest improvement in your self-confidence is important and worth celebrating, because a big change is made of hundreds of tiny changes, each building on the last.

What one thing are you going to do tomorrow to confront your fears? What's your goal for the week? For the month? For the year? Think about it, write it down and do it.

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