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>> No. 436810 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 11:10 am
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Are most people in a relationship happy?

I seem to have a number of friends who like to portray themselves as being in a perfect relationship when the reality tends to be markedly different. Do people stay in an unhappy relationship because they find it preferable to being alone or they find the breakup itself too much hassle; you have to unwind yourself financially from someone, you may be accustomed to the lifestyle supported by two incomes, there may be kids involved, you may feel there's social stigma involved in a failed relationship or you simply lack the balls to do initiate it. Do a lot of people just settle?

I'd be interested to know your thoughts.
142 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 437968 Anonymous
17th July 2020
Friday 1:40 am
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Ugh, stop talking about exes lads, I haven't been able to stop thinking about what a cock hungry slag my ex was when I wasn't arguing the toss with her over where the TV remote lives. Totally different quality to my current bird, who is by all accounts much more suited to me in terms of personality, and overall just has tons more depth as a person... But she just doesn't have the sexual je ne sais quoi, you know?

It usually goes away after I've had a wank over the video I've got saved of her riding my cock, but I fear if it weren't for that video I'd have caved in and sent her an awful text message under the pretext I was drunk.
>> No. 437969 Anonymous
17th July 2020
Friday 1:48 am
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>>437968
>I've had a wank over the video I've got saved of her riding my cock

This is Inception levels of depth. Good work ladm9.
>> No. 441495 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 11:52 am
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My friend has had a massive bust-up with her husband because going on maternity leave means she's not been able to cover her half of the mortgage and bills. He's expecting her to pay this back, with interest, when she returns to work and he won't accept a deduction from this for the amount saved in nursery fees because "I'm not paying for you to look after our child."

People are strange creatures at times.
>> No. 441496 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 12:11 pm
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>>441495
Well, he's just a cunt.
>> No. 441497 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 12:20 pm
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>>441495
>"I'm not paying for you to look after our child."
I can't really imagine a more worthwhile thing to pay for, frankly. Maybe a new Elder Scrolls game, but that's not happening so he's a freak.

Consider cuckholding him and taking his family.
>> No. 441498 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 12:32 pm
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I've always found it a bit weird when couples in long-term relationships don't share their finances and instead pay into a joint account 50:50 for bills and keep everything else for themselves.

One of my friends ended up in about £20k of credit card debt because her boyfriend insisted on a lifestyle that her income couldn't support but where they went halves on everything. He's also made them change towns several times, presumably to try and isolate her, and has repeatedly cheated on her. I don't know why she won't leave him.
>> No. 441499 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 12:40 pm
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>>441498

>He's also made them change towns several times, presumably to try and isolate her

Not unlikely that the real reason they moved was so he could get away from his creditors.


> I don't know why she won't leave him.

Short of him consciously gaslighting her, look around you. Many incredibly attractive lasses who deserve much better are with complete arseholes. It's the old thing of women saying they want somebody nice, funny and sensitive, but over and over again, they keep ending up with a complete bellend.
>> No. 441500 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 12:55 pm
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>>441495

That's mental. I could sort of see him wanting to be paid back, not every couple shares a bank account, but the 'with interest' bit is utter madness. How on earth to people like that manage to get married at all.
>> No. 441501 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 1:29 pm
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>>441500
They live in a ~£500k house in the North and he's been the one with most of the money behind him so it's probably some control thing about making sure she doesn't take him for a ride, even if they're married for years and now have a baby.
>> No. 441502 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 1:49 pm
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>>441501
has she cheated on him in the past (hence he's anal about not being taken for a ride)? is he much better looking than she is (because why else would a woman put up with that dynamic)?
>> No. 441503 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 2:25 pm
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>>441498

How's that wierd? It makes perfect sense, it avoids any possibility of arguments about money because frankly there's nothing worse for a relationship, and you can still buy each other things.

I find the other side of the coin just tends to be the kind of bloke who makes that tired old joke about "haha I better ask the wife" every time he wants to buy something as if she's either his mum, or invoking the casually sexist trope that women are greedy and controlling over the money because she wants it to go on shoes and holidays. I have no respect for that kind of man, it's your money and hers is hers.
>> No. 441504 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 2:49 pm
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>>441503
I'd have said it was the other way around. Having your own account and keeping things secretive rather than sharing it and being fully open with your partner screams to me that you're too scared of what they would say if they found out what you're spending money on.
>> No. 441505 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 2:52 pm
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>>441503
>"haha I better ask the wife"
Joking aside it's good practice to discuss large purchases with your partner, and mandatory in the case of things you will jointly own or use.
>> No. 441506 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 5:23 pm
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>>441504

How the fuck do you secretly spend money? She's going to notice your massive Death Korps of Krieg army soon enough. Even then it's irrelevant because again- it's your money and they've no right to say anything at all.

This just screams to me that you need a joint account your Mrs can monitor because you're too irresponsible not to spunk it all up the wall on porn and footy bets otherwise. We've had the conversation about infantilised men who rely on their partner here before, and I'm quite sure this is one of the biggest signs of it.
>> No. 441507 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 5:53 pm
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>>441506

Chicken and egg problem sometimes, really. Do some men have to ask their missus for approval because they're shit at spending money responsibly on their own, or are they bad at it because somebody else is controlling their spending.

There are enough examples on both sides for people who can't handle money. One of my parents' friends was earning shedloads of money with his own insurance sales business (this was basically before the Internet), but he had a wife who was blowing through it like there was no tomorrow. At one point, she bought £5,000 worth of bedroom furniture one month on a whim and out of the boredom of being stuck at home all day. And then when he died in his early 50s from a heart attack, it took her barely two years to spend just over £100K of cash that he had left her. And when that money was gone, she flogged his valuable family heirlooms.

Moral of the story, make sure your partner isn't a walking money pit, I guess.
>> No. 441509 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 7:16 pm
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>>441507
I work with someone who takes all of her boyfriend's money and then gives him an allowance, otherwise he spends it all on booze and going out.
>> No. 441510 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 7:17 pm
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>>441509
Christ. How does he live with himself?
>> No. 441511 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 7:27 pm
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>>441510
He's a bit of a simple lad. I don't think he's ever really needed to learn responsibility because he has been constantly mothered.
>> No. 441512 Anonymous
8th January 2021
Friday 10:07 pm
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>>441511

>I don't think he's ever really needed to learn responsibility because he has been constantly mothered

It happens. Which is why I maintain that everybody, man or woman, should live on their own for a few years and learn to master basic life skills that an adult should possess, before moving in with a partner.
>> No. 441516 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 12:23 pm
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>>441512
I do live on my own as it happens but even when I were a kid and lived with my parents I was expected to cook for myself and do my own washing, and usually the rest of the family's laundry and washing up and tea making. I think living on your own can help, but teaching those sort of skills is possible whilst living at home.


Funny story, the day before I moved out for uni, my dad had this 20 minute top of his lungs screaming session at me about how I was an ungrateful little shit and I was deliberately sabotaging his coffee by making it taste like shit. When I pointed out that a) I don't drink coffee so I have no idea what it's supposed to taste like, b) in the previous six years he'd not once pointed out that it didn't taste good so how the fuck was I supposed to know, and c) if he wanted coffee how he liked it he shouldn't scream at me to make it every 30 minutes whilst I'm trying to do school work and make it himself, he reiterated that I was doing it deliberately and should have been more grateful (for what, I'm not sure). I don't have a bad relationship with my parents, and that incident has never been mentioned again, but it was just such a fucking weird thing to happen.
>> No. 441517 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 12:41 pm
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>>441516

I suspect that was your emotionally-constipated dad's way of saying "I love you son and I'm going to miss you".
>> No. 441518 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 12:45 pm
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>>441509
That's what she tells you. It's all part of their full time findom lifestyle.
>> No. 441519 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 12:53 pm
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>>441516

>but it was just such a fucking weird thing to happen.

How do you bugger up coffee though? Contrary to what hipsters will have you believe, it's not sorcery to be able to make a pleasant tasting cup of coffee.


Agree with your general point though, that your parents can already teach you life skills while you are still living with them. I remember my mum teaching me how to use the washing machine and dryer when I was about 15, when she got tired of me always wanting to wear things that she hadn't had the time to put in the wash. Also, my mum is still of the generation where a wife was expected to have good cooking skills, and I learned a lot from her, like how to fry a steak so that it's still juicy inside, or how to cook vegetables just right.

My dad wasn't around long enough to teach me the "lad" stuff like fixing electrical appliances or repainting a garden fence, but I eventually picked those skills up myself in adulthood.
>> No. 441520 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 1:08 pm
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>>441519

Maybe his dad's a hipster?
>> No. 446030 Anonymous
5th September 2021
Sunday 5:52 pm
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I guess this thread is as good as any. My girlfriend has told me quite a few horror stories about her mum, mainly about her being emotionally abusive and violent when she was growing up, but they have a reasonably close relationship now; I suspect this is because my girlfriend has always wanted love and validation from her parents and her mum doesn't really have anyone else anyone else to talk to. However, she's mentioned a few times that I never make any effort to talk to her mum. Whilst this is true I'm not rude or uncivil towards her; I've just never found the words to tell my girlfriend that I've no interest in pretending to be friends with the woman who used to regularly slap her around and who told her to shut up and never mention it again when she plucked up the courage to tell her she was being sexually abused. What would you lads do in this scenario?
>> No. 446031 Anonymous
5th September 2021
Sunday 6:12 pm
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>>446030
Run. In future don't be so bloody naïve when it comes to women from a toxic background. And use /emo/ newchap.
>> No. 454870 Anonymous
26th October 2022
Wednesday 10:38 am
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How do you manage finances when you're in a relationship? I thought we were on the same page, but my girlfriend got a job around Easter after being a stay at home mum for years and I've no idea where all of our money is going now. We managed alright beforehand, but there's been a few months since she started working where I've been worried we won't have enough to make ends meet. There's currently about £18 in the bank account to last until she gets paid tomorrow. October is a bad month because that's when the car insurance and my MOT/service are due, but I don't know how much weight I put into that because you can probably look at our accounts most months and there'll be items you can chalk up as exceptional one-offs. I know inflation has shot up but I don't see how an extra £1,200 a month can be lost to lifestyle creep, yet here we are.
>> No. 454871 Anonymous
26th October 2022
Wednesday 10:44 am
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>>454870

You need a budget. The cost of living is creeping up and everyone is seeing their bank balances dwindle at the end of the month, but it's easy to piss away hundreds of pounds a month on bullshit without really noticing. Once you've got everything down on paper, you can start making meaningful decisions about how you spend your money.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/
>> No. 454872 Anonymous
26th October 2022
Wednesday 11:02 am
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>>454871
Thanks lad. I tried that before but didn't have much luck, so I thought moving to Starling would be a convenient way of allowing her to track her spending but evidently it hasn't worked. She's definitely smart but has some glaring blind spots and this wasn't really an issue until she started working and our income went up.

She told me a couple of weeks ago things wouldn't be tight this month when I raised concerns, but I guess that was before she spent £85 on a pair of shoes and all the other shit she's blowing money on.
>> No. 454873 Anonymous
26th October 2022
Wednesday 11:20 am
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>>454872

I think it's probably best to frame it as a conversation about planning. If you're trying to reign in her spending, then it's likely to turn into a battle of wills. If you can agree on some financial goals (saving for holidays, saving for a deposit, saving for retirement etc) then conversations about avoiding frivolous spending can be a bit more value-neutral. It's not about her pissing away all your money (even if it really is), but about you as a couple working towards your shared financial goals.
>> No. 454874 Anonymous
26th October 2022
Wednesday 11:24 am
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>>454870
>>454872

I'm assuming you have a joint account? I've always been wary of doing that precisely because money can be one of those things that rips even the most compatible relationship in two if you're not on the same page with it. There's no argument quite like the "you spent all our fucking money!" argument.

Maybe it would be a good idea to have the joined account for the important things like bills and rent/mortgage etc, but portion out your personal spending money into individual accounts. She works so she has her own money, you work so you have yours. As a staunch male fisherperson, I've always encouraged my girlfriends to earn and spend their own damn money and not mine.
>> No. 454875 Anonymous
26th October 2022
Wednesday 11:41 am
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>>454873
She wants to move house in about four or five years, but I think she'd been banking on my earnings going up faster than they have done to be able to borrow more. At the minute I've got about a grand in my self-employed bank account I keep as a buffer and we'll have just over seven grand when our Help to Save account matures next year, but apart from that we'll be reliant on any equity in our current home.

>>454874
We've got a joint account because I've been the sole earner for most of the time we've had kids, so it made sense to pool everything into one.

She'll rationalise her spending by saying things like she needed to get an entire new wardrobe when she started working, which is fair enough but she keeps fucking spending. The real bugbear of mine is that we have National Trust membership, so because we've got in for 'free' she thinks that means we can spend thirty or forty quid on a mediocre meal in their cafe; even if I do prepare a picnic she'll still expect to go into the cafe for coffee and cake as a treat.
>> No. 454876 Anonymous
26th October 2022
Wednesday 12:07 pm
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>>454875

I'm pretty sure there are apps and what have you nowadays, where you can just plug in everything you spend as you spend it, and it'll keep track for you. If you can get her to agree to use something like that along with you it might help her visualise and acknowledge the issue, which right now she really just probably doesn't.

I think a big part of the problem for people who lack self-control with money is that they only think in terms of "is the number in my bank right now bigger than the amount I need for this particular thing right now", and never in terms of "will I want to spend some of that next week when we go out for drinks, or will I fancy a takeaway the week after that, and if I spend this money now will I have enough for those". They just pull the trigger because they can, and the only limiting factor for them is when the number hits zero. I'm not suggesting she's taking advantage (although being naturally cynical that's how I usually perceive it) but if you just have a joined account and there's no individual sense of ownership and responsibility for where the money goes, it's easier for her to just mentally abstract it away and not feel concerned about it, and not acknowledge the consequence of her own decisions.

If you're keeping track of it all, and if you budget out a set amount of spending money each (again having separate personal accounts would help, even if you still share the overall amount equally), it'll help her put the 2+2 together of "I make the decision to buy this expensive thing, and then that results in being skint".

The thing is like otherlad said, you're extremely unlikely to get anywhere with it if you approach it as a simple matter of "you need to stop spending so much", but I reckon encouraging her to have a bit of financial independence would help her see the bigger picture in terms of your finances as a couple.
>> No. 454877 Anonymous
26th October 2022
Wednesday 10:33 pm
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>>454876

>If you're keeping track of it all, and if you budget out a set amount of spending money each (again having separate personal accounts would help, even if you still share the overall amount equally), it'll help her put the 2+2 together of "I make the decision to buy this expensive thing, and then that results in being skint".

"Skint" isn't necessarily a meaningful concept for some people. If you've always been skint, skintness is just a fact of nature - you aren't used to planning for the future, because your basic living costs always swallow up all of your income. Conversely, if you've always been quite comfortable, "skint" just means waiting until payday to buy whatever pointless thing you want to buy, because you've got enough money coming in that you don't really have to make hard choices about your lifestyle.

I think it's always useful to frame things in terms of opportunity cost. Some people don't automatically think "If I spend my money on x, it means I can't spend my money on y". They fritter away their money in dribs and drabs, because each individual expense seems too small to worry about. Simple framings like "you can buy a takeaway coffee on your way to work every day, or if you save that money you can have a nice holiday every year" can really help to put those expenses in context.
>> No. 455787 Anonymous
26th December 2022
Monday 12:47 pm
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What is your relationship like with your in-laws? I don't really have to deal with her dad because they have a strained relationship (>>/job/5948) but I find her mum infuriating, to the point that she's by far the worst aspect of my relationship with her daughter.
>> No. 455789 Anonymous
26th December 2022
Monday 1:17 pm
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>>454877

>Simple framings like "you can buy a takeaway coffee on your way to work every day, or if you save that money you can have a nice holiday every year" can really help to put those expenses in context.


This. Say you go to work roughly 250 days out of every year. Give or take. Google says the average cost of one take away coffee in the UK is £3.40. That then adds up to 850 quid a year. By contrast, you can expect a cup of home brewed coffee to be around 20p, all costs included, which works out to 50 quid a year. So you end up saving £800. Which very literally buys you a week in Majorca, four stars all inclusive, with money left to spend.
>> No. 455791 Anonymous
26th December 2022
Monday 1:22 pm
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>>455789

Forgot to subtract the average annual paid leave of 28 days. So you're probably looking at net savings of a little over 700 quid. Still buys you a four-star all inclusive holiday.
>> No. 455796 Anonymous
27th December 2022
Tuesday 5:48 pm
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>>455787

Life hack: Get yourself a woman with a traumatic abusive childhood. Never have to meet her parents if she can't stand the sight of them either.
>> No. 455797 Anonymous
27th December 2022
Tuesday 7:42 pm
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>>455796
I dunno, I think it depends on the baggage it leaves them with. If I did find myself single again in the future I'd definitely have on my checklist not to date anyone whose parents split up whilst they were still a child. Not sure what else would actually be on this checklist, to be honest, probably also to avoid anyone who had been in a serious relationship and was the one dumped rather than doing the dumping.
>> No. 455799 Anonymous
27th December 2022
Tuesday 8:34 pm
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>>455796
Even better get yourself a Mrs whose parents have decided to spunk all their retirement money on running a pub, so you spend all of Christmas pissed up in their pub. It doesn't matter if they're insufferable pricks when you're too pissed to care.
>> No. 455800 Anonymous
27th December 2022
Tuesday 10:56 pm
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>>455797

Yeah, but the sex is always best with the damaged ones.

Anyway I told myself the same last time I was single, but frankly, they're just too much my type. They attract me and I attract them. I don't think I could stand to be with a girl who's entirely mentally stable and healthy, because it would just make me feel like more of a hopeless mental case myself by comparison.
>> No. 459091 Anonymous
23rd July 2023
Sunday 10:18 am
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I know social media should be taken with a pinch of salt, but in the space of about a week a couple of women I know have made gushing anniversary posts when every single time I meet them they're complaining about their partners and have come extremely close to breaking up with them on several occasions. Maybe it's only the people in shitty relationships who feel the need to make posts like that.
>> No. 459832 Anonymous
23rd August 2023
Wednesday 7:46 am
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Do most men actually want kids or do they have them primarily because their partners do?

I am mindful here I could easily be projecting because my brother and I grew up knowing we were a distant second in our dad's priorities to our mum, but I've been people watching recently and I have noticed when observing families that there's a small but definitely noticeable number of dads who act like they don't actually want to be a dad.
>> No. 459934 Anonymous
28th August 2023
Monday 12:06 am
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>>459832

I think most people, regardless of gender, only really want kinds because its just the accepted thing you do one your life hits a certain stage. Women have more of a biological urge than men, but on a rational conscious level that doesn't mean they want it any more strongly, I don't think. It just makes them feel more pressured into following social expectation.

And to be clear, I'm not saying they actively don't want kids but go along with it because society, I just mean that most people never even really think about if they do or don't. It's just one of those things they take for granted one of the boxes you tick in order to lead a proper adult life, like learning to drive and finding a stable career and all that. I think naturally a lot of people realise after the fact that maybe they would have preferred not to, or that the circumstances in which they did it weren't ideal, but by then it's too late and they just soldier on with it- And for women, there's at least that whole "I pushed you out of my cunt and my body will never be the same" sunk cost factor to keep them invested in keeping up the act.

It's like a lot of things really, what always amazes me and sometimes fills me with envy about other people's lives is how little they actually put conscious thought into. So many people just float along and end up falling into a life that was just laid out at their feet, taking the path of least resistance. Whereas I've had to fight tooth and claw for every scrap and still feel short changed. Maybe that's just egotism on my part though.
>> No. 459936 Anonymous
28th August 2023
Monday 4:01 am
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>>459832
Having kids works like weddings, suicides and pet ownership. You catch the bug from other people.

Specifically I think a lot of people decide to have kids by interacting with other people's children and realising they're not terrible at it or seeing that children, despite being massive pains in the arse, bring some joy to life.

>I have noticed when observing families that there's a small but definitely noticeable number of dads who act like they don't actually want to be a dad

How's a dad supposed to act?
>> No. 459937 Anonymous
28th August 2023
Monday 5:26 am
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>>459936
They're supposed to use their iPhone's haptic motor responsibly.
>> No. 459938 Anonymous
28th August 2023
Monday 11:53 am
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>>459937
Oh no. I'd all but forgotten about *that*.
>> No. 459945 Anonymous
29th August 2023
Tuesday 8:16 am
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>>459936
>How's a dad supposed to act?

As I said, I'm well aware I could be projecting here but it's when you pick up on little things like you'll see a mum sat with her kids on a bench and then when the dad catches them up he'll make the kids budge up so he can sit next to her because he can't spend those next five minutes stuck next to a child rather than his wife. That and just a general indifference towards them.

>>459937
>>459938
I'd also managed to forget about that. Won't our paedophilic prankster be out of prison by now? Christ, I've just made him sound like an Adam West Batman villain.
>> No. 461366 Anonymous
17th November 2023
Friday 7:09 pm
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It turns out a couple I know who are always posting Instagram-style pictures together with their kids all over social media, making out like they're a super happy family living the perfect life, are divorcing. Funny that.
>> No. 461375 Anonymous
17th November 2023
Friday 9:04 pm
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>>461366

Just more proof to the idea that the front people present to the outside world is usually just an elaborate fraud, and why you should never get caught up comparing yourself to other people based on what you see of their social media profiles and the like.

The people most concerned with the outward appearance of success and happiness are very often the most miserable with their life.

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