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>> No. 432333 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 12:00 am
432333 Christmas 2019
It's the first of December. It's that time of year again.

Open your advent calendar chocolates, listen to Andrew, put up your tree, put off the present shopping for at least a fortnight, surviving the Christmas party at work, watching shit on telly.

You know the drill by now, lads.
Expand all images.
>> No. 432334 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 12:01 am
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Obligatory.

http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm
>> No. 432335 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 12:04 am
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Fuckssake.
>> No. 432336 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 12:09 am
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If anyone is playing alone with the Pogues Game, best of luck. We'll see who's left standing at midnight Christmas morning.
>> No. 432337 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 12:20 am
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Not really much of an Andrew update this year. He seems to still be working on his augmented reality start-up.

https://twitter.com/andrewprojdent
>> No. 432349 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 8:40 am
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>>432333 That time of year again

Ah, yes, time to warp back to the mid 90s web: www.arams.co.uk
No-one's died, no-one new's turned up, no-one's got foot & mouth.
Festive as fuck.
>> No. 432356 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 4:42 pm
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I resisted buying a tree today. Might try and style it out without one this year - tell the kids its not eco friendly or summat.
>> No. 432357 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 5:24 pm
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>>432356
I don't bother decorating. I live alone, and tend to have a lot to do through December, including spending around a week over Christmas itself with family elsewhere, so I'm not often home long enough to enjoy it.
>> No. 432358 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 5:32 pm
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>>432356
The best time of year to buy a tree is January when they're reduced, assuming we're on about artificial ones.
>> No. 432359 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 5:55 pm
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>>432349
How many animals do you have?
>> No. 432360 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 6:47 pm
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>>432359 just 6 reportable sheep. Some other animals, but they're 'pets' despite being massive, so don't need to update DEFRA about those.
And a dog, who really is a pet.

I spent years without decorating - really never felt the need. The Mrs likes shiny things, though, so we'll be stringing lights soon.
>> No. 432361 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 7:25 pm
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>>432360
What do you do with just six sheep?
>> No. 432363 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 7:40 pm
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>>432361
If you're into buggering sheep then six is the optimum number for cycling through them. You could try it with five but it's a bit risky as by the time you'd worked your way through to having the old in and out with the first sheep again it may not have fully recovered from your previous dalliance with it. Nobody wants the guilt of buggering a sheep to death on their conscience. You could try it with seven sheep, one for every day of the week, but if you aren't buggering them frequently enough then, unless you're particularly well endowed, you'll have to go through the whole rigmarole of breaking them in again and training the sheep to be able to take your re-entry. If you want to be a responsible sheep buggerer then you want a harem of six.
>> No. 432364 Anonymous
1st December 2019
Sunday 8:02 pm
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>>432361 They keep the grass down a bit, and they're just really nice pets. Very much underrated, imho.
There's no temptation at all to bugger them, the back end of a sheep is no place to be fantasising. Nasty.
>> No. 432371 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 8:03 am
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PC gone mad.
>> No. 432372 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 8:05 am
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>>432371
More like PCs gone mad amirite?
>> No. 432373 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 8:08 am
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>>432372
Well, they're not exactly wrong.
>> No. 432374 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 8:47 am
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>>432364 Do you shave them yourself or get someone in to do it for you?
>> No. 432375 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 8:58 am
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>>432374

Sheer, mate. We say sheer for sheep. He's not doing their bikini line. As far as I know.
>> No. 432376 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 8:59 am
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>>432375

Realised it was "shear" 0.3 seconds after clicking submit, so now who's the idiot?

I am humbled.
>> No. 432377 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 9:14 am
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>>432371

They need one that just says "don't get raped"
>> No. 432385 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 12:13 pm
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>>432377
>> No. 432390 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 3:10 pm
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>>432377
I think we've reached the point where you can't say anything beyond "rape is bad" without someone accusing you of victim blaming.
>> No. 432393 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 4:29 pm
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Trying to think of a present for my mum. She always says, "Oh, you don't have to get me anything, dear", but I imagine she would be disappointed if I really didn't. So as every year, I'm now looking online at kitchen appliances and implements here, or a nice bath salt or a scarf or whatever, but I just haven't had any really brilliant ideas so far.
>> No. 432396 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 4:39 pm
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>>432393
Posh soaps or some overpriced Cath Kidston tat.
>> No. 432398 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 4:46 pm
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>>432393
I've got my mum walking gear and a couple of little bits. I've got my dad Gary Lineker's new book and chocolate. Try and find out what perfume she uses.

I've only got secret Santa and a card for my girlfriend left to get this year. So far I haven't had to go into a physical shop to buy anything.
>> No. 432399 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 7:14 pm
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>>432398
I've heard it's a cracker.
>> No. 432401 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 9:41 pm
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I'm looking forward to my first christmas with nephews. I'm really glad to have new people in my life.
>> No. 432486 Anonymous
4th December 2019
Wednesday 12:59 pm
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I've made a resolution to lose at least 20 lbs by next spring. I weigh 16 st now, and although I'm 6'1, I've developed kind of a gut around my waist whcih I want gone. So I've decided to avoid all the cakes, sweets, and other high-calorie foods that are still to come over the holidays. I'll also start going to the gym again probably tonight, I haven't been to the gym in over eight months although I keep paying £25 a month for it.
>> No. 432544 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 8:16 am
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx_N8MYhLuM
>> No. 432549 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 3:36 pm
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WHAT'S TATERS, PRECIOUS?

WHAT'S TATERS, EH?

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/schoolgirl-shocked-discover-bm-advent-13762928
>> No. 432556 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 7:02 pm
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>>432549
Don't get what you're doing here? Are you trying to say she looks like Gollum? She looks nothing like Gollum. In fact I'd call her a 7/10.
>> No. 432557 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 7:08 pm
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>>432556
TATERS.
>> No. 432559 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 7:42 pm
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>>432557

Good on you, teenlad.

Now go out again and knifemug people.
>> No. 432560 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 7:56 pm
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>>432559

You seem surprised that someone on britfa.gs would be posting about the tits of a mum in a newspaper. Welcome to the website and please enjoy your stay.
>> No. 432561 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 8:37 pm
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>>432560

> tits of a mum


>https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/katie-prices-gigantic-boobs-threaten-13115263
>> No. 432562 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 8:42 pm
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>>432561
I've never got the appeal of Jordan; she's an absolute train wreck. I say that as someone who isn't averse to a woman who is trashy.
>> No. 432563 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 8:59 pm
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>>432562

>she's an absolute train wreck

That's the appeal.

I don't want to marry her, just have the best, most manic blowjob possible.
>> No. 432564 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 10:02 pm
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>>432563

> just have the best, most manic blowjob possible

Being a trainwreck AND giving piss poor blowjobs would indeed be a negative.
>> No. 432565 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 10:05 pm
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>>432564
Better known as the Tulisa sex tape, if you can call an awful blowjob a sex tape.
>> No. 432566 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 10:26 pm
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>>432565

I wouldn't have minded shagging her silly when she was proper fit ten years ago.

All that botox these days has made her look like one of those realistic sex dolls.
>> No. 432569 Anonymous
6th December 2019
Friday 11:25 pm
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>>432566

>All that botox these days has made her look like one of those realistic sex dolls.

You say that like it's a bad thing.
>> No. 432571 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 6:43 am
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I haven't heard The Pogues once this month and I have the radio on a fair bit. According to my girlfriend radio stations have stopped playing it because of the 'reconstituted pork product in gravy' lyric but that sounds like an urban legend to me.
>> No. 432572 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 10:51 am
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What do you reckon I should get a lass I've been seeing for 5 months? I thought I was going to get away with a cheap Christmas this year but she surprised me with an expensive jumper the other day.

Favourite colours green, bit of a green thumb, arty but likes all that posh Downton Abbey stuff.

>>432571
Apparently it's just one BBC DJ that has banned it:
https://metro.co.uk/2019/12/03/bbc-radio-presenter-bans-nasty-fairytale-new-york-no-longer-comfortable-playing-pogues-christmas-song-11262796/

Then again it's bound to be memory holed sooner or later.
>> No. 432573 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 11:01 am
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>>432572
Get down the garden centre, buy a couple of succulents (one big, one or two small), a nice pot large enough for them, some succulent potting compost and some nice pebbles. You can either put them together as a "hand-made" gift for her or present them to her as a kit. Shouldn't set you back more than £30, tops.
>> No. 432574 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 11:09 am
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>>432572
Homemade chocolate truffles. All you need to do is melt dark chocolate with cream and butter. Put them in a fancy box and flavour them with some of her favourite alcohol, prosecco or some type of novelty gin knowing women, and she will be foaming at the gash.
>> No. 432583 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 2:39 pm
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>>432572

>I thought I was going to get away with a cheap Christmas this year but she surprised me with an expensive jumper the other day.


Been there. Except we had only been dating for two months before Christmas, and we didn't really talk at all about how much we were going to spend on Christmas presents for each other. I felt that 30 quid was reasonable, given the relatively short time that we had been dating, for which I got her an art calendar and some trinkets, but she went out and bought me a fucking Swatch Irony watch with all the trimmings. Kind of really embarrassing, especially considering that she was still in vocational training and really didn't normally have much money to spend. I tried to make it up to her by taking her out for dinner and to see a movie or two, but I felt like there was an unspoken understanding that the damage was done.

We broke up two months after Christmas, not solely because of poor communication on our Christmas presents, but because we were just not compatible. It was fun while it lasted though. At least I got a few months of world-class shagging and an £80 watch out of it.
>> No. 432586 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 4:26 pm
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>>432571
Make it to Christmas without hearing it and you win a prize. True story.
>> No. 432598 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 8:17 pm
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>>432571

It was on at least twice today, but maybe that's because it's a weekend so they assume the radio doesn't need to be work safe. I nearly broke the radio the other day when Mariah Carey came on and now all my colleagues think im some sort of wierdo.

The part that annoys me is that as an ex-retail employee, I think I should have some sort of right to protection from Christmas songs. But these cunts are all judt behaving as if I'm the Grinch. I mean, you wouldn't go forcing a Falklands veteran to watch footage of ships on fire would you.
>> No. 432599 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 8:36 pm
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>>432598
I think the worst thing about Christmas songs is they play a small handful over and over. Run, Run, Rudolph by Chuck Berry is one of the best Christmas songs but I can't recall hearing it outside of Home Alone.
>> No. 432607 Anonymous
7th December 2019
Saturday 10:21 pm
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>>432598
>I nearly broke the radio the other day when Mariah Carey came on and now all my colleagues think im some sort of wierdo.

Bring a gun in and call it self-defence if the police manage to take you alive. She's on the fucking Walkers crisps now, why?!
>> No. 432612 Anonymous
8th December 2019
Sunday 11:27 am
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>>432599
>Run, Run, Rudolph by Chuck Berry
Is that the one that goes
>Run, Rudolph, run, Rudolph
>run, run, run
>Here comes Santa with his gun, gun gun
?
>> No. 432613 Anonymous
8th December 2019
Sunday 12:10 pm
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>>432612

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l849CulLhGQ
>> No. 432614 Anonymous
8th December 2019
Sunday 12:37 pm
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>>432571
>>432598
>A reconstituted pork product in gravy is a bundle of wood used to fuel a fire.
>Throwing people on 'with the rest of the reconstituted pork product in gravys' simply means they're undesirable, only fit to burn.

Considering The Pogues lyric, isn't an attack on sexuality. It's simply saying he's a scumbag, a maggot, a cheap lousy reconstituted pork product in gravy (implying he couldn't even be used to fuel a fire). I mean, could you be a really good, valuable reconstituted pork product in gravy?

Is the word reconstituted pork product in gravy really, from a historical point of view atleast, a derogatory term for homosexuals? I guess it depends on whether only homosexuals were thrown onto the fire under such mantle, or if it was deviants of all kinds.

I'd put this in the trans thread but it doesn't seem relevant to /news/.

/autism
>> No. 432615 Anonymous
8th December 2019
Sunday 12:49 pm
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>>432614

>from a historical point of view atleast, a derogatory term for homosexuals?

Yes. Historically, ie a hundred or two years ago, perhaps it didn't mean gay, but it definitely did when the song was written, and it's not like the song is set in the 1800s or whatever.

I don't think the song should be banned (just fucking bleep the word if you have to do anything) at all, but arguing that the word just means firewood is utterly mental.
>> No. 432619 Anonymous
8th December 2019
Sunday 2:30 pm
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I hate that Pogues song, keep your misanthropic loathing out of my Christmas time.
>> No. 432620 Anonymous
8th December 2019
Sunday 2:36 pm
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>>432619
Next you'll be saying Die Hard isn't your favourite crimbo film.
>> No. 432641 Anonymous
9th December 2019
Monday 12:20 am
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1X3d2zWx94
>> No. 432670 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 12:24 pm
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I've been to my daughter's nativity this morning. I think there should be a rule that fat people shouldn't be allowed to sit in the front row because they block too much of the view.

In other news, it's bin day so now that they've been emptied the wind has blown a few of them down the street.
>> No. 432671 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 12:32 pm
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>>432670
>I think there should be a rule that fat people shouldn't be allowed to sit in the front row because they block too much of the view.
Were you lying down or somthing?
>> No. 432672 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 1:15 pm
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>>432619
>I hate that Pogues song
>keep your misanthropic loathing out of my Christmas time
>I hate
>keep loathing out of Christmas
>hate
>loathing

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 432673 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 1:30 pm
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>>432671
A fat person sat down is at least double the bulk of a normal person sat down.
>> No. 432674 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 1:51 pm
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>>432673
You should still be able to see over their shoulders, pipsqueak!
>> No. 432676 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 4:28 pm
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>>432674
Fat women always have humongous shoulders and upper arms.
>> No. 432678 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 5:03 pm
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>>432676

She's still only about five and half foot tall. Have you tried not being a midget?
>> No. 432679 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 5:05 pm
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>>432676

What I've always found odd is that you seem to see a lot of quite obese women paired with a stick figure of a lad. One of my former coworkers was maybe not exactly the size of the woman in that picture, but then again, not really lighter by many orders of magnitude. And her husband was barely 5'5'' and looked like he was short of 9 st in weight. His arm and upper body muscle was that of a 14-year-old. If I was a lad of that stature, I would honestly be worried that a woman like that would flat-out squash me or snap me in half like a dry twig.
>> No. 432680 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 5:20 pm
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>>432679
When I was very skinny, about 5'11" and little over 10 stone, I used to have shitloads of fat lasses after me because I'm fairly quiet. I believe they target us because they think we've got low self-esteem and the corresponding low standards; I'm fairly certain with some lads they simply end up being bossed into a relationship. It wouldn't surprise me if some meek skinny lads also see a fat lass as a comfort blanket.
>> No. 432682 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 6:11 pm
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>>432679

>I would honestly be worried that a woman like that would flat-out squash me or snap me in half like a dry twig.

And that thought doesn't give you at least a semi? You average-sized blokes who like average-sized women are bloody weirdos.

In all seriousness, I just think that being small and skinny forces you to be more open-minded about gender roles. For average-sized blokes, it's just an unquestioned truth that they're big and strong and women are little and delicate. They live in a world where women are smaller than them by default; very tall or very fat women are automatically "wrong", or at least "not normal".

Most women are at least as big as me, so the idea of being the big masculine bloke with a petite little lady doesn't really enter the picture. When you've accepted that, you have access to a whole range of erotic possibilities. If most or all of your partners have been bigger than you, what difference does it make if the next one is much, much bigger? Why can't a man be the little spoon?

I think you see something similar with very tall women - most women prefer a taller partner, but if that's rarely an option then it doesn't really matter how much shorter your partner is. It's not really a case of settling for second-best, but realising that there are a wider range of options when you look beyond the narrow range of "normal".
>> No. 432686 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 7:54 pm
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>>432682

> You otherlads don't know what you're missing by not shagging fatlasses
>> No. 432687 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 7:58 pm
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>>432686

Yeah, basically.


>> No. 432688 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 8:16 pm
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>>432686

While my 'type' is slim blonde with big tits, I can't deny that some of the best shagging I've ever done has been with larger lasses. The massive ones are too much work, but the bigger ones that are just a couple of stone heavier than where they're 'supposed' to be just know how to have fun, don't really consider the usual hangups a model-fit lass will have, and have just the right amount of self esteem to both want to please you but also not spend fifteen hours a day staring at themselves in the mirror.

Try getting an instagram model with washboard abs to give you a proper blowjob, let alone anything truly subversive or filthy. It's just not going to happen. But a fat lass is up for owt.

For balance my missus isn't fat but she thinks she's fat, so I get the best of both worlds.
>> No. 432689 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 8:39 pm
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>>432688

If a woman doesn't have an appetite for cake, don't expect her to have an appetite for cock.
>> No. 432690 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 8:42 pm
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>>432688

> instagram model with washboard abs to give you a proper blowjob

Aren't gymlasses all about "lean protein"?



I'll get my coat.


>let alone anything truly subversive or filthy

I don't know. The psycho lass I just mentioned in the dreams thread was proper fit. Not gymlass fit, but definitely 7.5/10. And she was really kind of f'ed up in the head and had kind of a dominance thing going on, among other things. Things like stopping mid-handjob, just short of the point of no return, and telling me that if I wanted her to continue, I had to beg for it. And getting a kick out of having that kind of control over me, also on other occasions.
>> No. 432694 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 7:50 am
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>>432690

>The psycho lass

That's a different story. We all know mental slags are the best shags.
>> No. 432696 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 11:36 am
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>>432690

>also on other occasions

Tell us more.
>> No. 432697 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 7:52 pm
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I've spent all morning expecting a parcel delivery but I've just noticed that the tracking says it will be delivered between 9am and lunchtime tomorrow. Bloody Royal Mail being too efficient.
>> No. 432699 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 8:13 pm
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>>432696

>Tell us more.

I'm not going to tell you all the details. But she just had a way of getting her own sexual pleasure from the fact that she was able to have power over my sexuality and my knob. I'm not kidding when I say she had psychopathic traits. She was very manipulative, and especially in the bedroom.
>> No. 432701 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 8:18 pm
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>>432699

Do you still have her number? She sounds ideal.
>> No. 432703 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 8:43 pm
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>>432701

I wouldn't give her number to my worst enemy.

Some of the best sex I had in my entire life, but the downside to dating a confirmed psychopath is that they will eventually get bored with you if they predictably always get what they want, and move on. It's a wild ride if you're on the receiving end, and not always in a bad way. But all things considered, it can be quite stressful, and in the long run, I think you're always much better off with a regular, non-psycho person as your partner. Except if you're a psycho yourself and know how to turn things around on them.
>> No. 432704 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 8:46 pm
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>>432703

>Some of the best sex I had in my entire life, but the downside to dating a confirmed psychopath is that they will eventually get bored with you if they predictably always get what they want, and move on.

That's fine by me, I'm a realist. Even better if I can expect her to leave eventually, then I won't be surprised when she does.

>Except if you're a psycho yourself and know how to turn things around on them.

I'm at least mostly a sociopath, I think we'd be a good match.
>> No. 432707 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 9:46 pm
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>>432703

Nearly all my partners have been like this. If you're into kink, capable of being a genuine switch, and suffer from any kind of equivalent depression/anxiety/etc to theirs, you'll be in for a volatile but thrilling relationship.

Nevertheless I've mellowed in age and settled for a girl who isn't a complete dickhead, but it has come at the expense of exciting sex. She's still into kink, but she doesn't like to be spanked, pegs me very gently, and no matter how I try I can't get her to squeeze my bollocks hard enough to hurt. It's no fun when you have to spell out exactly what you want.
>> No. 432709 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 10:55 pm
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>>432707

I'm very much the same as you, though I wouldn't say I've mellowed in age, more just found someone who was a complete dickhead and has calmed down since then, but retained her tastes sexually. I've known her since school, we've always been close, and have had plenty of terrifying and exciting encounters over the years, but years later after we both grew up and could afford therapy, we reconnected and that was that. Anyway, the story doesn't matter, just that I've found someone who has managed to fight the demons but still retain the batshit appetite for sex. The best one was when she got me to do Richard Speck roleplay. She's a nurse.
>> No. 432730 Anonymous
12th December 2019
Thursday 8:23 pm
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These were a disappointment.
>> No. 432743 Anonymous
13th December 2019
Friday 10:23 pm
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How many times are they going to show Love Actually on TV? ITV has it on for the second time in less than three days.

It's NOT a particularly good Christmas movie, and everybody needs to stop pretending that it is. It does not deserve the kind of classic status that it apparently enjoys nowadays.
>> No. 432744 Anonymous
13th December 2019
Friday 11:16 pm
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>>432743
When you get the rights, you get a number of repeat showings. ITV evidently keen to burn through them like nobody's business.
>> No. 432746 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 10:36 am
432746 spacer

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432746432746432746
Christ alive.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7791851/ho-ho-ho-Christmas-slags.html
>> No. 432751 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 1:28 pm
432751 spacer
>>432746

The girl on the left is an ironclad WOULD and anyone who disagrees is a closet bender.
>> No. 432752 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 1:39 pm
432752 spacer
>>432751
I bet her clopper tastes like a Pot Noodle.
>> No. 432754 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 1:50 pm
432754 spacer

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>>432746
I feel as though the larger lady is trying to compensate for her size by baring her body. She's not unatractive, but her dress makes her near repulsive. What to suggest as an alternative i don't know, but like this she's mis-representing her beauty. I'm sorry to say. Is this patronising?
>> No. 432755 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 1:55 pm
432755 spacer
>>432751
m8 she's got a fucking rope hanging out of her fanny, must be some industrial size tampons engineered for the widest of gaping chuffs.
>> No. 432756 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 1:59 pm
432756 spacer
>>432751
I prefer the taller one on the right to be honest - it'd be a tremendous shag, but she probably wouldn't leave the next day.
>> No. 432757 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 2:04 pm
432757 spacer
I've got myself roped into a gift-exchange with a girl I don't know at all. We've set a soft price range of £10 but I've thought I had better make it dead nice as she's spending Christmas alone.

Any suggestions? I thought a bottle of red might be seen as poor form.

>>432746
I'm not going to lie to you, I'd fuck the one in the red and probably come back for more.

Bit of a shit selection of pictures overall. I expected better from the Daily Mail but, most of all, I expected better from Leeds.
>> No. 432758 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 2:06 pm
432758 spacer
>>432752

You say that like it's a bad thing.

>>432754

If I had legs like those, I'd get 'em out at any opportunity.

>>432756

Only if she's got a penis.
>> No. 432759 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 2:13 pm
432759 spacer
>>432757

Some of the better secret santa stuff I have seen this year:

Selection box, mini prosecco and a face mask or two
Fancy sweets/chocolates and some fun games/magic tricks
Self care kit (e.g. bath bombs etc).
>> No. 432760 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 2:14 pm
432760 spacer
>>432754
In my experience when the larger lady dresses like this it's because:-

1. They're letting lads know they're easy.

2. They deluding themselves about their dress size. They'd rather wear a size 14 that is far too tight and makes them look like a sack of potatoes than wear a size 16 that fits them better.
>> No. 432761 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 2:18 pm
432761 spacer

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>>432759
For secret santa this year I've bought a pussay patrol t-shirt. It's very apt for the recipient.
>> No. 432768 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 6:44 pm
432768 spacer
>>432761

Why is it apt? Has he just come out of an eight year long coma?
>> No. 432771 Anonymous
14th December 2019
Saturday 7:48 pm
432771 spacer
>>432757

>I expected better from Leeds.

That's what I was thinking too. These paps need to be told to stalk the gay quarter and Call Lane. That's where all the good clunge is.
>> No. 432777 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 2:10 am
432777 spacer
>>432771

My Leeds prices -

Mild argument: £5
Shuffle/nudge/spilled drink: £5
Declaration of fight:: £50 inside £100 outside
Sex with your munter GF: see above, plus we do it in a toilet with a blackie £500
>> No. 432779 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 2:37 am
432779 spacer
>>432777

Leeds is the only place otherlad has been where prostitutes slide their cards under hotel doors.
>> No. 432780 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 2:51 am
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>>432779

At least the ghost of Peter Sutcliffe can find release and head to the light after Friday, realising he's the 2nd to last in a list of religious party killers.

Right on BBC

sniff
>> No. 432781 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 8:19 am
432781 spacer
I had my work's Christmas party last night. I ended up leaving a bit early because it was pretty boring.
>> No. 432785 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 11:33 am
432785 spacer
I've found an original vinyl pressing of the 12'' maxi version of Do They Know It's Christmas from 1984 in my parents' basement. Near-enough mint condition, very little wear, sleeve looks good as new. Is that kind of thing worth something?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zc8TYsYb5i0
>> No. 432786 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 11:36 am
432786 spacer
>>432781

>I ended up leaving a bit early because it was pretty boring

I've always hated company Christmas parties. Most of the time, I hated being at my place of work every day in the first place, so getting all chummy with my coworkers at a Christmas party was not something that ever seemed very desirable to me.

One good thing about being self employed. No coworkers, no cunts you have to be friendly with at a company Christmas party.
>> No. 432787 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 12:11 pm
432787 spacer
>>432786
I quite like a fair few of my colleagues and around a dozen of us went around to someone's house for pre-drinks, which was fun. However, the party itself was shite. My idea of fun isn't being in a large conference/events room with several over companies having their own Christmas do, with a seating plan meaning you have to make small talk with people you don't really care about and after the meal the music is so loud that you can only have a conversation with one or two people rather than a group; whilst this is all happening the dance floor is rammed with desperate women in their forties and fifties wearing glittery dresses because they've put ABBA on.

I honestly don't think I'd mind being self employed. I don't really like working for other people.
>> No. 432788 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 12:49 pm
432788 spacer
>>432787

>I honestly don't think I'd mind being self employed. I don't really like working for other people.

It has its pros and cons. You have no boss to suck up to, and you fully decide which direction your business should go. On the other hand, your turnover and profits, and therefore your income as such depend entirely on your initiative. If you don't attract customers or clients, nobody will. If you work somewhere as an employee, you can get away with bumbling about and not pulling your weight for some time. But if you do that when you're self employed, you will simply not generate income for yourself.

The big plus for me when I was considering becoming self employed was that I get to make my own decisions. No chains of command, no office politics, no quarterly reviews. And right now, as my business has just started, a typical workday begins with me going down the stairs into my basement in my jammies and checking my e-mail while having a coffee with my legs on the table. And then spending an hour or two thinking about my strategy in acquiring clients and scribbling thoughts on a notepad. Or indeed being on the phone trying to convince people to sell their house through me.

Being self employed requires the ability to literally fend for yourself and take initiative. If you're not that kind of person and you value a steady and predictable monthly income over personal economic freedom, then you're better off sticking to being an employee somewhere.
>> No. 432789 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 1:12 pm
432789 spacer

codpiece.jpg
432789432789432789
Haven't started any of the shopping yet, but did go and buy a really nice tree yesterday.

I am completely stumped at what to buy people this year.
>> No. 432793 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 4:44 pm
432793 spacer
>>432789
Now that the election is over, maybe one way plane tickets.
>> No. 432796 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 6:31 pm
432796 spacer
>>432793

Where to, our passports are useless now, remember?

Also it's depressing that some people are so bottom blasted about something that they'll even shit up a Christmas thread with their political incontinence.
>> No. 432797 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 6:41 pm
432797 spacer
>>432796

I imagine there's going to be a lot of awkward dinner table conversations this year.
>> No. 432799 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 8:24 pm
432799 spacer
>>432796
Firstly lad, it was just a quick joke. And secondly, lots of people have suffered and died, and will continue to suffer and die, under this government which is essentially crypto-fascist, so if there's anything to be "bum blasted" about this fits the bill.
>> No. 432800 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 8:29 pm
432800 spacer
>>432799

Oh keep it in /pol/ you fucking commie grinch.
>> No. 432801 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 8:39 pm
432801 spacer
>>432800
All we need now is the climate bore and it will be like something out of a Dickensian novel.
>> No. 432803 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 8:44 pm
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>>432800

The Grinch was proper Tory, at least until he became a bleeding heart in the last few pages.
>> No. 432804 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 8:44 pm
432804 spacer
>>432801

Featuring the ghosts of Christmas bum-blast, Christmas no-presents (cos the tories stole them all), and Christmas no-future (because you bigots won't stop polluting. A proper britfa.gs tale.
>> No. 432805 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 9:14 pm
432805 spacer
Michael Barrymore's said he isn't doing panto this season.

"I did Aladdin a few years back and I've never heard the end of it."

>> No. 432806 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 9:22 pm
432806 There's always one, every year.
There's trees decorated in public and houses lit up like stars, but December this year feels remarkably less Christmassy. Perhaps i'll feel the spirit when a bitter chill hits my chest and ice slips underfoot. Roll on slush and crashed cars.
>> No. 432807 Anonymous
15th December 2019
Sunday 9:40 pm
432807 spacer
Had a few glasses of grog last night with my mates at the pub. Then woke up this morning with a pounding headache and spent most of the day recovering from it.
>> No. 432809 Anonymous
16th December 2019
Monday 12:45 pm
432809 spacer
Finally heard The Pogues today so I've lost. Still, making it to day 16 isn't bad going.

I'm in McDonald's at the minute and I've just witnessed one of the cleaners slowly and tenderly cleaning the thigh of the other cleaner after he spilled sauce on it. They've gone to the toilets together now.
>> No. 432813 Anonymous
16th December 2019
Monday 5:09 pm
432813 spacer
>>432809

They've found love in a hopeless place
>> No. 432821 Anonymous
16th December 2019
Monday 7:23 pm
432821 spacer
>>432809

>I'm in McDonald's at the minute and I've just witnessed one of the cleaners slowly and tenderly cleaning the thigh of the other cleaner after he spilled sauce on it. They've gone to the toilets together now.

Horny as fuck m8, no irony. Why aren't porn plots like that?
>> No. 432825 Anonymous
16th December 2019
Monday 9:03 pm
432825 spacer
>>432821
If you want me to truly set the scene then I'm not sure if he was special needs but he was certainly on the simple side. He was early twenties, ginger and he had one leg longer than the other so he walked with a pronounced gait. She had a motherly air to her; I reckon she was in her late forties with all of the signs of a life of hardship ageing her, but she had a bit of a minxy twinkle in her eyes and smile.
>> No. 432834 Anonymous
17th December 2019
Tuesday 11:48 pm
432834 spacer
Help my girlfriend out lads, what do I want for Christmas? I'm a man of simple pleasures and practical tastes so I'm impossible to shop for. I dropped a hint that a new workbag would be nice but she probably thought I was taking the piss.

>>432821
>Why aren't porn plots like that?

I wonder this myself sometimes. Even watching/reading a supposedly professionally made steaming scene often just descends into an awkward by-the-numbers games.
>> No. 432835 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 1:00 am
432835 spacer
>>432825

Maybe it's an indication of how fucked the country is, but I found that rather heartwarming.
>> No. 432841 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 6:34 pm
432841 spacer
I've received a £20 Amazon gift voucher at work today and it's burning a hole in my pocket, but when I've looked there's nothing I want to spend it on. Almost everything I want is actually cheaper elsewhere.
>> No. 432842 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 6:35 pm
432842 spacer
>>432841
Buy £20 worth of those sugarless gummy bears that give you the shits and leave them out in a bowl at work.
>> No. 432843 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 6:46 pm
432843 spacer
>>432842
"No results for those sugarless gummy bears that give you the shits."
>> No. 432844 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 6:49 pm
432844 spacer
>>432843
>After stories of the candies’ effects went viral, the company stopped selling them.
Damn shame
>> No. 432845 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 6:53 pm
432845 spacer
>>432843

https://imgur.com/gallery/83FXN
>> No. 432847 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 7:02 pm
432847 spacer
>>432845

Where do people get the motivation to write a whole long paragraph about their experience with something as utterly irrelevant in the greater scheme of things as sugar free gummy bears.

Global warming is here, the planet is dying, but you're preoccupied with telling the world how great or how shit you think sugar free gummy bears are.
>> No. 432849 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 8:49 pm
432849 spacer
>>432841
Get yourself some ultra soft underwear I recommend Sihohan but get the next size up. Nothing like mincing around the office feeling like you're wearing nothing at all.

>>432847
>Global warming is here, the planet is dying, but you're preoccupied with telling the world how great or how shit you think sugar free gummy bears are.

Sounds like the usual smoke and mirrors from Big-Gummy. How much are they paying you, lad?
>> No. 432850 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 9:11 pm
432850 spacer
>>432801
> All we need now is the climate bore

>>432847

And up he pops, the gang's all here!
>> No. 432851 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 9:15 pm
432851 spacer
>>432849

Sounds more like Big Sugar worrying that people switch to sugar substitutes.
>> No. 432892 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 12:18 pm
432892 spacer
I've got a new weatherproof coat. It's amazing how dry and insulated I feel wearing it.
>> No. 432893 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 12:40 pm
432893 spacer
>>432892
I like my goose-down coat so much that I often put it on first thing in the morning, its so snug and warm.

I think this is all going a bit hygge.
>> No. 432894 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 12:44 pm
432894 spacer
>>432847
>you're preoccupied with telling the world

You're almost like a character from a Viz strip.
>> No. 432895 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 12:51 pm
432895 spacer
>>432893
I've never realised coats could be warm before. Usually I have a woollen duffel coat that keeps the cold out but this coat actually has me snug and toasty.
>> No. 432912 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 6:07 pm
432912 spacer
Christmas fuddle at work yesterday. There was shitloads of unopened food left over at the end of today so I've now got enough snacks to last me a fair while; crisps, dip, potato salad, crackers, cheese, brownies, sausage rolls, mini pork pies, even an entire cake. I don't care if I look like a greedy fucker, nobody else wanted to take it home.
>> No. 432970 Anonymous
21st December 2019
Saturday 9:33 pm
432970 spacer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Q2fkqGO5jE
>> No. 433025 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 1:05 pm
433025 spacer
I've bought all the presents for this year but I've run into a conundrum. The gift for my niece requires batteries so I put some in so she could play with it right away, problem is if the box is now knocked one way too much the switch turns the light on. No point is giving her a present with dead batteries so I only put a bow and ribbon around it. That way if it turns on I can quickly turn it off.

My issue is that now she won't get the unwrapping experience but everyone else will. Do you think this will be a bit cunty and I should get to working out how I can stop the toy knocking about so I can wrap it?
>> No. 433026 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 1:17 pm
433026 spacer
>>433025
Take the batteries out but wrap them up inside too.
>> No. 433027 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 1:42 pm
433027 spacer
>>433025
Kids love the unwrapping more than the gift itself. Also, depending on how old, she'll want her uncle/dad to help putting the batteries in - all part of the experience. Wrap them inside, but not in the toy - it's very thoughtful of you to make sure it had the right batteries.
>> No. 433029 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 4:34 pm
433029 spacer

EMkEAYwWkAA8mT0.jpg
433029433029433029
Don't see any issue with this game, at all.
>> No. 433030 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 4:49 pm
433030 spacer
I stupidly just visited Tesco; the staff literally looked like they were on their last legs.
>> No. 433031 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 4:53 pm
433031 spacer
>>433029
What's wrong with it?
>> No. 433032 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 6:14 pm
433032 spacer
I've just been to Lidl to get a couple of last minute things; it closed at six so there were only a couple of other people in and the staff were just dicking around by the self-service checkouts.

It was the most peaceful shop I've ever done. Supermarkets should trial having a quiet hour where everything is quiet and relaxing.
>> No. 433033 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 7:55 pm
433033 spacer
>>433032
Tesco have a weekly quite hour for autists like yourself.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 433034 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 8:12 pm
433034 spacer
>>433031
They are too woke for impressions.
>> No. 433036 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 9:29 pm
433036 spacer
>>433034
Are impressions racist? I guess it depends on what you say, but the people I know who like doing them most are foreign or of laplanderstani heritage. Then again, the laplanderstani lads do make racist jokes.
>> No. 433037 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 9:54 pm
433037 spacer
>>433036

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jc1u5RpdPeY

Depends who is doing the impression I guess.
>> No. 433038 Anonymous
24th December 2019
Tuesday 10:09 pm
433038 spacer
>>433037
Why are people laughing at him making car noises?
>> No. 433044 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 1:34 am
433044 spacer

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433044433044433044
IT'S CHRISTMAAAAS!!!!
>> No. 433045 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 3:06 am
433045 spacer
>>433037
Reminds me of the time I got dragged along to some holiday camp on the coast when I was a wee lad. Don't remember any of it except for the in-house comedian making jokes about mutilating his willy after sticking it into a potato peeler.
>> No. 433046 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 8:13 am
433046 spacer
ITS BRRRRRIIIITTTTFFFAAAA.GS
>> No. 433047 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 8:49 am
433047 spacer
Merry Christmas you pair of wankers.
>> No. 433048 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 10:22 am
433048 spacer
Did Father Christmas bring you lads what you wanted?
>> No. 433049 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 10:29 am
433049 spacer
Merry Christmas.

>>433048
No, just toiletries.
>> No. 433050 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 11:02 am
433050 spacer
>>433049
No socks?
>> No. 433051 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 4:03 pm
433051 spacer
I'm going to have an enormous wank for Christmas.
>> No. 433052 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 4:29 pm
433052 spacer
>>433051
I had a lovely christmas wank this morning.
>> No. 433053 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 4:59 pm
433053 spacer
Almost there!!
>> No. 433057 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 6:28 pm
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>>433053
You must have been edging for a long time.
>> No. 433058 Anonymous
25th December 2019
Wednesday 7:24 pm
433058 spacer

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Remember ARE George today, lads!
>> No. 433064 Anonymous
26th December 2019
Thursday 12:19 am
433064 spacer
I've had a look on the House of Fraser website to see if there was anything decent in the sales but you have to sift through so much tat from Mike Ashley's other brands, Lonsdale, Everlast, Firetrap, etc. and even football kits, that I gave up. I can't see it being too long before they go under again.
>> No. 433065 Anonymous
26th December 2019
Thursday 1:06 am
433065 spacer
Just got home from a full house at the parents, think I had about a bottle of port and half a red and enough food for for a week alone. Had a lovely drive home, bit foggy. Evaded a .gs IP ban, now having a few beers and watching YT.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 433090 Anonymous
27th December 2019
Friday 3:17 pm
433090 spacer
I've got £40 of vouchers to spend in establishments such as Harvester. How large a black pudding tower do you think I could acquire with this?
>> No. 433091 Anonymous
27th December 2019
Friday 4:42 pm
433091 spacer
>>433090
Well, assuming a fixed cost per portion of black pudding, with no discounts for large volume orders, then one can calculate this quite easily.
>> No. 433104 Anonymous
28th December 2019
Saturday 5:30 pm
433104 spacer
Saw creme eggs and mini eggs for sale in Sainsburys, with a big display for Easter.
>> No. 433108 Anonymous
28th December 2019
Saturday 6:06 pm
433108 spacer
>>433104
only 105 sleeps!

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