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>> No. 416018 Anonymous
6th March 2018
Tuesday 8:53 am
416018 Instawanking 2.0.
This evening I shall be having dinner with, then fucking, a delightful young lady. This has happened before and there is no chance of this moving beyond a fuck buddy arrangement, partly due to huge age gap. I'm fine with that, my only concern is whether I should confess to having wanked over her, very wankable, Instagram pics. She dies have thousands of followers and posts a lot of lingerie type selfies so I suspect she won't spazz ut if I tell her.

Your thoughts?
16 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 416043 Anonymous
8th March 2018
Thursday 6:55 am
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We're all paying for sex in one way or the other, you can't take the moral high ground on this.
>> No. 416044 Anonymous
8th March 2018
Thursday 9:21 am
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Thank you Professor. After that razor like display of logic I will look forward to you forthcoming paper discussing the often wet qualities of water.
>> No. 416045 Anonymous
8th March 2018
Thursday 1:39 pm
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It's odd that you sound confrontational yet you're agreeing with him.
>> No. 416047 Anonymous
8th March 2018
Thursday 7:17 pm
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We have those people here often, although mostly in /pol/ I seem to recall.
>> No. 416048 Anonymous
8th March 2018
Thursday 7:36 pm
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The important thing is that we all found a way to feel superi......... sigh.

>> No. 415888 Anonymous
28th February 2018
Wednesday 7:28 pm
415888 Church
I'm thinking of going to church to meet people. I don't really have a circle of friends, and I'm too autistic to talk to people at work, so I was thinking maybe church would be a good place to network. The only church that has services that fit around my work is a super liberal modern one that plays Christian rock and doesn't do traditional stuff like the Eucharist. They seem quite evangelical I guess, so maybe they'd be easy to befriend as they would want to save my soul.

I'm not particularly religious but maybe I could learn to be if it means making friends.
10 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 415963 Anonymous
2nd March 2018
Friday 7:07 am
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Plus you get free oats.
>> No. 415969 Anonymous
2nd March 2018
Friday 2:20 pm
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Quaker Porridge Oats never had anything to do with the Quakers, they just used the name because of the reputation Quakers had for honesty and integrity.

Quakers used to be banned from universities, so bright Quakers who might have been a doctor or a lawyer tended to go into business instead. Many household-name companies were originally founded by Quakers - Barclays, Bryant & May, Cadbury, Clarks, Lloyds, Fry's, Rowntree and many others. They had a near-monopoly on chocolate manufacturing for most of the 19th century. Greenpeace, Oxfam and Amnesty International were also founded by Quakers.
>> No. 415974 Anonymous
2nd March 2018
Friday 4:01 pm
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I am sure there is a link I could google for, but why were they banned from universities?
>> No. 415975 Anonymous
2nd March 2018
Friday 4:32 pm
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>> No. 415976 Anonymous
2nd March 2018
Friday 5:00 pm
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Quakers were aggressively persecuted, mostly because of their anti-authoritarian creed. They believe in absolute equality under god. They refused to do anything which might imply submission to any authority other than god. They didn't use honorific titles like "sir" or "your honour". They didn't doff their hats. They didn't swear oaths. They didn't pay tithes to the established church.

A series of laws passed in the 1660s severely marginalised anyone who wasn't a member of the Church of England, effectively rendering them second-class citizens.

Universities were religious institutions operating under a royal charter. Applicants were required to take communion in the Church of England and swear the Oath of Supremacy, effectively barring Quakers from admission. These requirements were gradually relaxed over the years, but wouldn't be fully abolished until the Universities Tests Act of 1871.


>> No. 415916 Anonymous
1st March 2018
Thursday 4:57 am
415916 Holi
Happy Holi Hindulads!
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>> No. 415917 Anonymous
1st March 2018
Thursday 5:18 am
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Tell us about Holi.
>> No. 415925 Anonymous
1st March 2018
Thursday 8:12 am
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Brownies use this ancient spring/fertility festival as an excuse to thrown water and pain at each other, sometimes as a cover for sexual assault. Bhang lassi is also consumed.
>> No. 415932 Anonymous
1st March 2018
Thursday 9:13 am
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>>sexual assault

Typical shitskinzone behaviour. This is why I'm voting BNP.
>> No. 415933 Anonymous
1st March 2018
Thursday 10:27 am
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Turns out Wor Nick is now the sole member of the 'Nick Griffin British Unity Party'. What a load of bollocks.

>> No. 415445 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 4:48 pm
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Is it socially acceptable nowadays to carry a Hip flask around?
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>> No. 415706 Anonymous
24th February 2018
Saturday 2:40 pm
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It's pretty scary/great that you can get 32 packs of 12/200 from boots. It's not hard to extract just the codeine, and with ibuprofen you might not even need to bother. Eight of them and a couple of tins and you're achieving something it would usually take forty quid and a dealer to recreate.
>> No. 415726 Anonymous
24th February 2018
Saturday 4:25 pm
415726 spacer
I used to cold water extract all the time, to my shame. It's easier to do with Ibuprofen mixes, as it has a higher saturation point in water and crystallises at a higher temp than paracetamol, so you get a higher yield. You can do it with a good fridge, coffee filters, a measuring jug and some hot water and get a dunt that is almost as good as shooting up just from visiting the pharmacy.
>> No. 415746 Anonymous
24th February 2018
Saturday 7:51 pm
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It's astonishingly easy to turn codeine into morphine and morphine into diamorphine. If you understand the synthesis, it's only marginally more difficult than making a decent souffle.
>> No. 415756 Anonymous
24th February 2018
Saturday 8:44 pm
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I'm only aware of the synthesis from codeine to desomorphine; it's something of the opioid equivalent of the old shake-n-bake.

Although removing the methyl group from codeine to get pure morphine *should* be simple enough, I don't think I could fathom the chemistry involved in getting from that point to diamorphine.

And why bother when a 10-bag of brown costs fair less and involves far less leg work than traipsing around chemist after chemist for shitty 12/200 codeine pills in the first place.
>> No. 415786 Anonymous
24th February 2018
Saturday 10:30 pm
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The thing is though, I'm too old to be finding a smack dealer. I'm stuck now with coke.

Also, I rarely do opiates so six quids worth of nurofen+ is at least two fun evenings for me.

It's only tangentially related but I do love a bit of morphine. I had the clicky button when I was in hospital and manged to get a nod on with that, which was great. Also when I was discharged and they gave me that bag of drugs you still need, there was inexplicably eight tubes of oramorph in there. I guess the nurses must have REALLY liked me as I'm assuming that's a very illegal thing to give out like that and it wasn't on the discharge info sheet or anything.

>> No. 414453 Anonymous
21st December 2017
Thursday 2:43 pm
414453 charity at xmas
Do any of you lads give money to charity at Xmas?

If so, which ones and why?
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>> No. 415614 Anonymous
21st February 2018
Wednesday 5:14 pm
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I've seen the same thing in the latest Seen & Heard. All the cartoon homeless men are saying 'you feel guilty saying I'm alright for gloves and hats thanks, have you got any socks?'
>> No. 415615 Anonymous
21st February 2018
Wednesday 5:19 pm
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Home Fundraising bloke came to my door last night asking for money for Guide Dogs. He suggested £3-5 a week. I said I'm not in a financial position to give a lot but I've done fundraising before and I know it all adds up, so I'd be happy to give a pound a month. He says I wish I could sign you up for that but the minimum donation is £2.50. I said what the hell man, here I am offering money and the charity doesn't want it because there is a minimum? And he says mate I keep telling my managers the same thing.
>> No. 415623 Anonymous
21st February 2018
Wednesday 6:26 pm
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Probably it costs them more to process a donation that low than it's worth? Either that or they've just done their market research and know that the majority of people will agree to £2.50 if their original offer was lower - they might lose you because of it but your neighbour might go for it and offset that.
>> No. 415629 Anonymous
21st February 2018
Wednesday 7:06 pm
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They're on commission. It probably isn't viable enough for them to spend their time signing up something so low.

Whenever they knock on my door I fob them off by saying I already donate to them.
>> No. 415634 Anonymous
21st February 2018
Wednesday 9:55 pm
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I just hide in a pillow fort and scream as loudly as possible. Dunno' what I'd do if someone actually knocked.

>> No. 414646 Anonymous
30th December 2017
Saturday 9:45 am
414646 Weekend/New Year thread
The night of forced fun is almost upon us.

If screenshot lad was still with us then he could provide us with the highlights of 2017 on Britfa.gs, but my memory is so hazy that everything merges into one so I'm not really sure what's happened here in the past year or so.
71 posts and 4 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 415539 Anonymous
18th February 2018
Sunday 1:42 am
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I am not clicking past the warning page on those weird old fashioned looking sex websites in case they really are hangouts for illegalists but I thought your collection of links was interesting as well as obviously mental and a bit sinister.
>> No. 415540 Anonymous
18th February 2018
Sunday 7:28 am
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Just some links I had to songs.
>> No. 415544 Anonymous
18th February 2018
Sunday 8:06 am
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Here eyes are too wide apart. They look like they're going to slip off her face and fall into her ears.
>> No. 415577 Anonymous
19th February 2018
Monday 10:52 am
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Except they are not songs, and it crossed my mind that the post was a recruitment ad done in that cryptic crossword style certain people use.
>> No. 415580 Anonymous
19th February 2018
Monday 1:52 pm
415580 spacer
Doughnutlads at it again?

>> No. 415200 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 4:33 pm
415200 MES
"Those flowers, take them away," he said. "They're only funeral decorations"

3 posts and 1 image omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 415215 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 11:23 pm
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>> No. 415232 Anonymous
26th January 2018
Friday 7:28 pm
415232 spacer
I realise how influential he was, but I can't name one of his tunes. Where does one get started with The Fall?
>> No. 415234 Anonymous
26th January 2018
Friday 10:00 pm
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This is the one I remember Mark Radcliffe playing in the 90s.
>> No. 415236 Anonymous
26th January 2018
Friday 10:09 pm
415236 spacer

I'd suggest Hex Enduction Hour or one of the 80s Peel sessions.

>> No. 415509 Anonymous
17th February 2018
Saturday 8:28 pm
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>> No. 414690 Anonymous
31st December 2017
Sunday 6:06 am
414690 Anxiety Following QI Audience Participation
Hello everyone,

Maybe this should go in /emo/ but I don't know.

If any of you saw the recent QI episode (S15E09) 'Christmas' you may have found the part at the end when 1/2 of the audience suddenly stood up to sing carols, a bit of Christmas fun and joy.

As an audience member in the other half, I can tell you, it was anything but. Whilst many genuine audience members appear to be smiling, I can assure you, the sudden mobilization of that many people without due warning has left me paranoid and scared.

I was trying to make a GIF in Linux but it didn't work and now I'm too drunk for command line bullshit. Have a look at the photo attatched, this is moments after the 'salut' of the so called 'choir'.

Whilst many people in this picture are smiling (this is early on in the act so much of this smiling is smothered in ignorance) you can see that many people are highly concerned. One woman has even gone Super Saiyan. Remember, they covered this shot over with 'laughter'.

I'm not on any social media, so how do I reach out to other people effected by this?
85 posts and 13 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 415000 Anonymous
12th January 2018
Friday 11:05 pm
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>> No. 415001 Anonymous
13th January 2018
Saturday 2:43 am
415001 spacer
You're going to need a lot of proof to make this piss poor attempt stick.
>> No. 415002 Anonymous
13th January 2018
Saturday 7:32 am
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Ticket from the filming would be nice.
>> No. 415442 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 12:27 pm
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Isn't that Raoul Moat?
>> No. 415504 Anonymous
17th February 2018
Saturday 8:02 pm
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>> No. 415369 Anonymous
7th February 2018
Wednesday 9:10 pm
415369 spacer
The IRA were the daft militant wogs of yesteryear. Were Irish people vilified in the media during the 50s-90s, in the same way eskimos are today?
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>> No. 415498 Anonymous
17th February 2018
Saturday 3:34 pm
415498 spacer
The human eye can't see more than 24 FPS anyway.
>> No. 415499 Anonymous
17th February 2018
Saturday 3:40 pm
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The average people just don't care and never cared- They only bought expensive hi-fis in the 80s and 90s because that was the equivalent of a iPad or whatever back then. The trendy gadget you need to have to consider yourself up to date.

The thing that winds me up about bluetooth speakers and shit headphones, though, is that if you're an average cunt who listens to average cunt top-40 music, all you can hear is vocals accompanied by some mosquito-hiss for the backing track. The majority of popular music now is derivative of dance music, so it's composed around massive sub-bass and big kicks, which you can never hear the majority of the time.
>> No. 415500 Anonymous
17th February 2018
Saturday 3:48 pm
415500 spacer

That's not even remotely true. Not least because we don't process movement by frames.

>> No. 415502 Anonymous
17th February 2018
Saturday 7:31 pm
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>That's the so-called Soap Opera Effect

Thanks for giving me the name, I've had this grievance for years but the lacked the knowledge that I wasn't alone and quite why it was happening until now.
>> No. 415503 Anonymous
17th February 2018
Saturday 7:54 pm
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1987 motion lads.

>> No. 415437 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 9:07 am
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Happy Bannatynes day lads.
2 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 415440 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 10:54 am
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What's being gay got to do with the mail?
>> No. 415441 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 11:22 am
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Nothing, but that doesn't stop them complaining.
>> No. 415443 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 3:00 pm
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It was December 2016, it was a different time.
>> No. 415444 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 4:22 pm
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So what are you guys doing to mark the anniversary of Capone and his gang making a killing on the North Side?
>> No. 415447 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 6:33 pm
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>> No. 414070 Anonymous
1st December 2017
Friday 7:39 am
414070 Christmas 2017
It's the first of December. It's that time of year again.

Open your advent calendar chocolates, listen to Andrew, put up your tree at the weekend, put off the present shopping for at least a fortnight, surviving the Christmas party at work, watching shit on telly.

You know the drill by now, lads.
302 posts and 29 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 415187 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 1:54 am
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>>415160 how much of the apparent profit on that car can be accounted for as inflation? How do we even measure that?
>> No. 415196 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 11:36 am
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£45k in 2008 equates to about £57k today.

>> No. 415219 Anonymous
26th January 2018
Friday 11:43 am
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Still a tidy profit if you bought a car for 45 grand in 2008 and get to sell it for 100 today. Even inflation adjusted. No bank would have paid you that in interest in the mean time.
>> No. 415225 Anonymous
26th January 2018
Friday 4:13 pm
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No but an index fund would be roughly the same.
>> No. 415229 Anonymous
26th January 2018
Friday 5:20 pm
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Inflation adjusted, if >>415196 lad is to be believed, a £45K investment taken on in 2008 would still equal around £75K today. That's a 66 percent return on investment.

The problem with keeping a classic car, even if you just let it sit under a cover for ten years, is the upkeep. Ten years of just collecting dust is a long time even for a Ferrari. Rubber parts of any kind, for example, typically have a lifespan of some ten years. So a Ferrari that you put in your garage or your barn ten years ago will not only be unattractive to buyers today because you didn't have all the recurring servicing done by an authorised Ferrari dealer (true Ferrari collectors will turn their nose up at any specimen that was serviced by an independent shop), but you are going to have to replace anything from a timing belt to a water pump and probably each and every water hose. And by a Ferrari dealership. That's going to shave an easy £5,000 off your profit, more likely £10,000... because again, you will have to catch up on ten years of neglect.

One of my mates worked for a boss once who drove a Ferrari 348, which is often called the Testarossa's little brother. By and large, he said he had to set aside around £5,000 every year for all the maintenance recommended by Ferrari.

A classic car like that is only a worthwhile investment if you have the means to store it properly and have it maintained. The best kept Testarossas in factory condition now run for upwards of £140,000. So if you bought one ten years ago for £45K, which was about the top end back then, deducting £5,000 every year, you would still only have a profit of £45K before inflation. But again, that needs to be put in perspective to all the maintenance work you would have to do on your "barn find" testarossa to get it back into a state where most buyers would actually be interested.

Long story short, if all you have is a chunk of money and want to make a profit off it, you're indeed better off investing in things like stocks or index funds. Or if you still feel tempted to buy a classic car as an investment, get one that's a little more practical, which you can afford to run and service regularly, and where proper servicing by an authorised dealership doesn't make a difference of £40K in eventual resale value.

>> No. 414936 Anonymous
8th January 2018
Monday 12:46 am
One step closer to ITZ lads...
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>> No. 414942 Anonymous
8th January 2018
Monday 10:36 am
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I read about Freddos all the time on reddit but I have yet to try one.
>> No. 414943 Anonymous
8th January 2018
Monday 10:49 am
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It's Dairy Milk in the shape of an anthropomorphic cartoon frog. There, now you don't have to.
>> No. 414952 Anonymous
8th January 2018
Monday 7:47 pm
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We always used to call them 'Pervy Frogs' because the 10p sign was always covering his groin. Note that his legs were wide open too.
>> No. 415205 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 8:32 pm
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Did someone say Tekken 2?
>> No. 415206 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 8:45 pm
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I think you misheard.

>> No. 415052 Anonymous
17th January 2018
Wednesday 11:01 pm
415052 "Micro-cheating"

This term came up on my okcupid. As a permavirgin, can someone explain this shit to me?

Where is the fucking trust? Isn't that what a relationship is supposed to be about?

I don't want to sound like a Luddite, here, but I don't get this at all. Why are people basing their relationships solely around social media? If you're that distrustful of your partner that you count having an ex followed on Facebook to be a form of cheating, perhaps you shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place?

I feel completely disconnected from the sort of people described in the article, and don't see why it's even a thing.
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>> No. 415084 Anonymous
18th January 2018
Thursday 11:14 pm
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I don't get why you want to absolve this woman for her poor choices. She made the choice to get into 25k of debt and now needs to face the consequences.

Maybe she would be better off if she pulled her finger out of her arse and get a job, she would then be able to afford all the excursions she chooses to attend. She sounds entitled and whiny.
>> No. 415085 Anonymous
18th January 2018
Thursday 11:31 pm
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>She sounds entitled and whiny.
>> No. 415086 Anonymous
19th January 2018
Friday 5:10 am
415086 spacer

Another thing I think in these situations, is that if they think you talking to your ex (no matter how far away you are) might end up in you being unfaithful, it would follow that they are tempted to stray by their exes. Or already do stray.
>> No. 415087 Anonymous
19th January 2018
Friday 12:23 pm
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It was a dead meme before it even hit the homepage, homeboy.
>> No. 415088 Anonymous
19th January 2018
Friday 12:43 pm
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>Sexy swimwear selfies are great; everyone needs a January ego boost

>> No. 414764 Anonymous
1st January 2018
Monday 12:00 am
414764 spacer
First post of the year, lads.

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>> No. 414819 Anonymous
2nd January 2018
Tuesday 3:14 pm
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Seems like a fair deal.
>> No. 414824 Anonymous
3rd January 2018
Wednesday 1:20 am
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>VW Golf with Diamond Black pearl
You're lucky, diamonds and pearls are the two most vomit resistant elements known to man, the colour might never be the same.
>> No. 414829 Anonymous
3rd January 2018
Wednesday 4:37 pm
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Pearls are essentially calcium carbonate. And stomach acid that is expelled with your vomit is hydrochloric acid.

Few things dissolve as well in hydrochloric acid as calcium carbonate, mate. Just a few drops of the stuff applied to a limestone surface (also mainly calcium carbonate), and you will see it fizz like an alka seltzer.

Not sure about diamonds though. You might be right about those.
>> No. 414830 Anonymous
3rd January 2018
Wednesday 5:42 pm
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The only thing that really puts a dent in diamond is liquid oxygen, and boy does it go.
>> No. 414874 Anonymous
4th January 2018
Thursday 4:26 pm
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You do have to light it on fire though it seems. It won't do much if you simply immerse a diamond in liquid oxygen.

Although my guess is that the sudden steep drop in temperature when you put it in liquid oxygen should produce cracks within the diamond as it contracts. Not dissimilar to the way ice cubes crack as they expand when you put them in warmer liquid.

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